Flirting

Long ago in Victorian times, flirting was considered a serious art form. Women were socialized in how to flirt effectively to encourage marriage. Men were taught how to recognize these signals and react appropriately. Essentially, a highly organized societal system was created. Of course, in today’s culture the rules are not so strict and are often difficult to accomplish correctly.

What is Flirting?

Flirting techniques are far reaching beyond simple dating tips. They are actually helpful in all types of social interactions, from business to personal. The main concept is to have a fun and entertaining conversation with another person. Overall, the intention is to make both parties feel good.

Flirting pays a compliment to the person you are talking to. It shows you have noticed them and find them interesting. Healthy flirting is much like a dance, with a rhythmic energy between two individuals. Flirting can prelude seduction, but it does not have to be sexual or even romantic. Fundamentally, to flirt is to be artfully friendly.

[edit]

Flirting Techniques

For some, flirting comes naturally. For most others, it will take some techniques and practice to perfect the art. To succeed in enjoyable interactions, you will have to take some risks, including the potential for rejection. It is also important to set boundaries while flirting. Determine ahead where you hope the conversation will go, and if you notice it is steering off course, rein it in. A perfect example is in a casual friendly conversation where one party takes it into a more romantic note. If romance is the last thing on your mind, politely remind the other person with a friendly “aren’t we having fun just teasing and being friends.” This sort of check and balance during a flirty interaction will ensure that communication does not become misinterpreted.

If you are the type that needs a little more guidance on how to flirt, consider these three important steps. Then, practice… practice… and practice!

[edit]

Positive Approach

In order to have friendly entertaining conversation, you have to be in the right frame of mind yourself. If you are feeling happy and have a general good will towards others, this energy will naturally show in your words and actions. When you are about to embark on a flirty interaction, take control over your mood. Force yourself to smile, even if you don’t feel happy. Listen to some energizing music or place inspirational messages and funny jokes around your office, car, purse or wallet. Whatever it is that brings you into a good mood, strive to make that a part of your pre-conversation routine.

Another piece to a positive approach is a strong self-esteem. Take an inventory of what gives you the most confidence. Incorporate those things into your daily life, particularly when dating, at work, with friends or other times when you interact with others.

[edit]

The Words

The ability to choose the right words at the right time is significant to successful flirting. In many cases, it is also what you don’t say that matters most. Over talking, especially about yourself, is sure to turn most people off. Listening is even more vital to a great conversation than picking the perfect words. By actively hearing what the other person is saying, you will learn the other person’s viewpoint. This will help you to then choose the perfect response.

When learning to flirt, many people are concerned they don’t know the right things to verbalize. When in doubt, the main thing to do is ask an open-ended question. Then, really listen to the answer. Genuine compliments and entertaining humor are also always appropriate while flirting. If this is someone you interact regularly with, remember past conversations and revisit good topics. In addition, by using "feeling" words in your language, such as aware, realize, experience, notice and imagine, it will bring the conversation to a more intimate level.

Also remember to pause often while talking. This will encourage the other person to speak and enable you to assess how the conversation is going. In most good interactions, it is actually true that less is more when it comes to words.

[edit]

Non-Verbal Skills

A strong understanding of body language is critical to enhanced interactions. Most non-verbal actions are unconscious, both in their application and interpretation. Being intuitively aware of the following basic signals will help you in this process.

• Make your first contact with your eyes. Don’t stare, but by holding someone’s gaze slightly longer when talking, it will show your interest in them.
• Smile until your face aches!
• Watch closely other people’s reactions to what you are saying.
• Mirror the movements of those you are talking with. Make this subtle, but by casually following the physical pace of your conversation partner, it builds rapport.
• Close the gap slightly while talking. Start about four feet away and turn your body at an angle away from your partner. As the conversation builds, gradually move in towards the other person.
• Look for positive signals from the other person, like touching, turning towards you, moving in.
• Test the intimacy of a conversation by subtly swaying away from the other person. Watch to see if they move towards you in return.

[edit]

Why Flirt?

Learning to engage others in an enjoyable conversation will help you in many avenues -- friends, family, co-workers, employers and dating. Flirting is about having a good time with another person and enjoying their company. It should make both of you feel good and help you build better relationships. In general, it will benefit your own sense of community and social connections.