CHARLOTTE, North Carolina (Reuters) – Bank of America Corp (BAC.N) shareholders voted to oust embattled Chief Executive Kenneth Lewis as chairman of the board on Wednesday in what could be a precursor to his eventual replacement as CEO as well.
The bank's board "unanimously" expressed support for Lewis to stay in the CEO post despite the fact that shareholders "narrowly" approved a proposal to require an independent chairman.
Lewis, who will remain chief executive, will be replaced in the chairman post by Walter Massey, 71, a director of the bank's board since 1998 and also a director of McDonald's (MCD.N).
"We knew that it was going to be close, but this is an unambiguous vote of no confidence," said Campbell Harvey, professor of finance at Duke University.
"Whether he chooses to remain as CEO or not, the dominant influence that he had at Bank of America is now a thing of the past," he added.
Similar moves last year foreshadowed the ouster of the chief executives of two large, troubled banks -- Ken Thompson at Wachovia Corp and Kerry Killinger at Washington Mutual Inc (WAMUQ.PK). Wachovia was later bought by Wells Fargo, while Washington Mutual failed.
"It's kind of the first step toward the end for Lewis," said Ralph Cole, portfolio manager, at Ferguson Wellman Capital Management in Portland, Oregon. "It shows there's at least some constituency that's not happy with his performance. I just don't think he's going to last," he added.
Massey has also served on the boards of Delta Air Lines Inc, Motorola and BP. He is president emeritus at Morehouse College in Atlanta, where he served as president until 2007. The former director of the National Science Foundation becomes one of the few African Americans chairing a major U.S. company.
Some shareholders expressed consternation that Massey, as long-time board member, does not represent a big enough change in leadership for the board.
"We are disappointed that the board apparently did not consider looking outside the current directors for a truly independent chairman," said Jerry Finger, who in 1996 sold his Charter Bancshares Inc of Houston to a Bank of America predecessor, and his son Jonathan in an e-mailed statement. The Finger family campaigned against Lewis' re-election.
SHAREHOLDER FRUSTRATION
All 18 directors were elected to the board by "comfortable margins," the bank said in a statement, although several major shareholder groups including The California State Teachers' Retirement System and the California Public Employees' Retirement System had said they would withhold their votes for the entire board. Spokesmen for both pension funds declined comment after the vote.
About 2,000 people attended the annual meeting, more than triple the year-earlier number. The 62-year-old Lewis listened to dozens of attacks from shareholders over his leadership, and in particular the bank's controversial purchase of Merrill Lynch & Co, but also got substantial praise.
He fielded many complaints over the bank's failure to quickly disclose huge losses that Merrill was amassing, as it was paying out billions of dollars of bonuses to employees. Bank of America's shares have fallen by about three-fourths since the merger was announced in September.
"You knew what was going on with Merrill Lynch, you kept it from us. You're still keeping it from us," said Judy Koenick, who said she lost $27,000 on the bank's stock. She wore a shirt saying "Fire them all!!! Kenneth Lewis, & the board of directors, make a clean sweep."
Lewis stood patiently behind a podium on a stage for much of the meeting, often twiddling his thumbs or biting his lip as shareholders vented their frustration.
Others were more supportive. A 92-year-old man who said he owned a half million shares, said that in buying Merrill and the troubled mortgage lender Countrywide Financial Corp, Lewis "believed he was doing something good for America." The man added: "If we don't have Ken, who do we have?"
LEWIS DEFENDS MERRILL PURCHASE
In a speech, Lewis defended buying Merrill for $29.1 billion of common and preferred stock, saying that it was "good value" and that abandoning the deal would have caused "serious harm" to Bank of America and other banks. He also said he saw no need for Bank of America to make further acquisitions.
Bank of America needed a $20 billion federal bailout to absorb Merrill. Lewis has indicated that regulators pushed him to keep quiet about Merrill's losses and not to back out of the merger. He told shareholders that "as a legal matter, there was no duty" to disclose the bank's talks with the government.
"They should have disclosed it," said Ed Morais, a financial adviser and shareholder from Charlotte attending his first annual meeting. "It seems like he chose to put Merrill Lynch shareholders ahead of Bank of America shareholders." He spoke before the meeting.
The Merrill deal and bonus payments are the subject of shareholder lawsuits and investigations by members of the U.S. Congress as well as regulators including the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission and New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo.
"Lewis may have a lot of litigation ahead of him," said Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, professor and head of Yale's Chief Executive Leadership Institute.
Bank of America has received a total of $45 billion in taxpayer funds and may need more after results of government "stress tests" are released, probably next week. The tests gauge banks' ability to weather a deep recession.
Lewis declined to discuss details of talks with regulators about the tests, including whether the bank might need to issue more common stock to bolster capital.
Shares of Bank of America rose 53 cents, or 6.5 percent to close at $8.68 on the New York Stock Exchange.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
How Did Lady Gaga Become Lady Gaga?
I am defying all preconceptions we have of pop artists. That's how 23-year-old Lady Gaga sees herself.
But how did the Grammy-nominated singer go from brunette Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta to preconception defying, flashy dressing, platinum blonde superstar Lady Gaga?
Germanotta was born in Yonkers, New York, where she attended a private Catholic girls school, wrote her first piano ballad at age 13, and then won early entrance into New York's prestigious Tisch school for the performing arts.
But Germanotta needed to strike out on her own to become Lady Gaga. She ditched school and threw herself into New York's Lower East Side music scene as a naive, convent-educated teenager.
"I went against all I was brought up to be; I moved out of home, wouldn't take any help from my parents [her internet entrepreneur dad and his business partner wife], and supported myself with waitressing jobs and stripping," she said. "I discovered a real personal freedom through it."
It wasn't long before Germanotta's talent for writing hook-laden melodies came to the attention of major record labels. Just 20, she wrote hits for the Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears and New Kids On The Block.
But it was while working with producer Rob Fusari that she got her attention-grabbing stage name. After noting that her singing voice sounded like her hero, Queen's Freddie Mercury, Fusari named her Lady Gaga for the Queen hit "Radio Ga Ga."
While her provocative burlesque pop act Lady Gaga and the Starlight Revue was a hit in Manhattan's downtown nightclubs, mainstream showbusiness was nonplussed. When she showed up for auditions with labels and musicals, the usual reaction was utter bewilderment.
"A lot of record labels thought I was too theatrical," she said. "Then, when I auditioned for stage musicals, the producers said I was too pop."
Finally, it was rapper Akon who recognised her singing ability and got her a major deal.
And the rest is Gaga history.
But how did the Grammy-nominated singer go from brunette Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta to preconception defying, flashy dressing, platinum blonde superstar Lady Gaga?
Germanotta was born in Yonkers, New York, where she attended a private Catholic girls school, wrote her first piano ballad at age 13, and then won early entrance into New York's prestigious Tisch school for the performing arts.
But Germanotta needed to strike out on her own to become Lady Gaga. She ditched school and threw herself into New York's Lower East Side music scene as a naive, convent-educated teenager.
"I went against all I was brought up to be; I moved out of home, wouldn't take any help from my parents [her internet entrepreneur dad and his business partner wife], and supported myself with waitressing jobs and stripping," she said. "I discovered a real personal freedom through it."
It wasn't long before Germanotta's talent for writing hook-laden melodies came to the attention of major record labels. Just 20, she wrote hits for the Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears and New Kids On The Block.
But it was while working with producer Rob Fusari that she got her attention-grabbing stage name. After noting that her singing voice sounded like her hero, Queen's Freddie Mercury, Fusari named her Lady Gaga for the Queen hit "Radio Ga Ga."
While her provocative burlesque pop act Lady Gaga and the Starlight Revue was a hit in Manhattan's downtown nightclubs, mainstream showbusiness was nonplussed. When she showed up for auditions with labels and musicals, the usual reaction was utter bewilderment.
"A lot of record labels thought I was too theatrical," she said. "Then, when I auditioned for stage musicals, the producers said I was too pop."
Finally, it was rapper Akon who recognised her singing ability and got her a major deal.
And the rest is Gaga history.
WHO raises swine flu alert level as virus spreads
WASHINGTON – The Geneva-based World Health Organization on Wednesday raised its alert level for the fast-spreading swine flu to its next-to-highest notch, signaling a global pandemic could be imminent.
The move came after the virus spread to at least 10 U.S. states from coast to coast and swept deeper into Europe.
"It really is all of humanity that is under threat during a pandemic," said WHO Director General Margaret Chan. "We do not have all the answers right now but we will get them."
In the United States, President Barack Obama mourned the first U.S. death, a Mexican toddler who had traveled with his family to Texas. Total American cases surged to nearly 100, and Obama said wider school closings might be necessary.
In Mexico, where the flu is believed to have originated, officials said Wednesday the disease is now confirmed or suspected in 159 deaths, and nearly 2,500 illnesses.
There were no other deaths confirmed from the flu. But health officials in the United States and around the world braced for them.
Dr. Richard Besser, the acting chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said in Atlanta there were 91 confirmed cases in ten states, with 51 in New York, 16 in Texas and 14 in California. Two cases have been confirmed in Kansas, Massachusetts and Michigan, while single cases have been reported in Arizona, Indiana, Nevada and Ohio.
State officials in Maine said laboratory tests had confirmed three cases in that state, although those had not yet been included in the CDC count. And the Pentagon said that a Marine in southern California had tested positive for the disease.
WHO has confirmed human cases of swine flu in Mexico, the United States, Canada, Britain, Israel, New Zealand and Spain.
Germany and Austria became the latest countries to report infections. Germany reported four cases on Wednesday, Austria one.
In Washington, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was questioned closely by senators about whether the U.S. should close its border with Mexico, where the outbreak apparently began and the casualties have been the greatest. She repeated the administration's position that questioning of people at borders and ports of entry was sufficient for now and said closing borders "has not been merited by the facts."
The WHO said the phase 5 alert means there is sustained human to human spread in at least two countries. It also signals that efforts to produce a vaccine will be ramped up.
Just Monday, the WHO had raised the alert level from 3 to 4. The organization is part of the United Nations.
Asked for advice for ordinary citizens, Chan, the WHO chief, said: "Continue with your business but try to pay special attention to personal hygiene."
Dr. Keiji Fukuda, WHO's top flu expert, said vigilance was all important because it was not known how severe the outbreaks would become.
The move came after the virus spread to at least 10 U.S. states from coast to coast and swept deeper into Europe.
"It really is all of humanity that is under threat during a pandemic," said WHO Director General Margaret Chan. "We do not have all the answers right now but we will get them."
In the United States, President Barack Obama mourned the first U.S. death, a Mexican toddler who had traveled with his family to Texas. Total American cases surged to nearly 100, and Obama said wider school closings might be necessary.
In Mexico, where the flu is believed to have originated, officials said Wednesday the disease is now confirmed or suspected in 159 deaths, and nearly 2,500 illnesses.
There were no other deaths confirmed from the flu. But health officials in the United States and around the world braced for them.
Dr. Richard Besser, the acting chief of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said in Atlanta there were 91 confirmed cases in ten states, with 51 in New York, 16 in Texas and 14 in California. Two cases have been confirmed in Kansas, Massachusetts and Michigan, while single cases have been reported in Arizona, Indiana, Nevada and Ohio.
State officials in Maine said laboratory tests had confirmed three cases in that state, although those had not yet been included in the CDC count. And the Pentagon said that a Marine in southern California had tested positive for the disease.
WHO has confirmed human cases of swine flu in Mexico, the United States, Canada, Britain, Israel, New Zealand and Spain.
Germany and Austria became the latest countries to report infections. Germany reported four cases on Wednesday, Austria one.
In Washington, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was questioned closely by senators about whether the U.S. should close its border with Mexico, where the outbreak apparently began and the casualties have been the greatest. She repeated the administration's position that questioning of people at borders and ports of entry was sufficient for now and said closing borders "has not been merited by the facts."
The WHO said the phase 5 alert means there is sustained human to human spread in at least two countries. It also signals that efforts to produce a vaccine will be ramped up.
Just Monday, the WHO had raised the alert level from 3 to 4. The organization is part of the United Nations.
Asked for advice for ordinary citizens, Chan, the WHO chief, said: "Continue with your business but try to pay special attention to personal hygiene."
Dr. Keiji Fukuda, WHO's top flu expert, said vigilance was all important because it was not known how severe the outbreaks would become.
Obama seeks to change crack sentences
WASHINGTON – The Obama administration joined a federal judge Wednesday in urging Congress to end a racial disparity by equalizing prison sentences for dealing and using crack versus powdered cocaine.
"Jails are loaded with people who look like me," U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton, an African-American, told a Senate Judiciary subcommittee hearing.
Assistant Attorney General Lanny Breuer said the administration believes Congress' goal "should be to completely eliminate the disparity" between the two forms of cocaine. "A growing number of citizens view it as fundamentally unfair," Breuer testified.
It takes 100 times more powdered cocaine than crack cocaine to trigger the same harsh mandatory minimum sentences.
Sen. Dick Durbin, an Illinois Democrat who chairs the committee, said, "Under current law, mere possession of five grams of crack — the weight of five packets of sweetener — carries the same sentence as distribution of half a kilogram of powder or 500 packets of sweetener."
Durbin said more than 81 percent of those convicted for crack offenses in 2007 were African-American, although only about 25 percent of crack cocaine users are African Americans.
Congress enacted the disparity during an epidemic of crack cocaine in the 1980s, but the senator said lawmakers erred in assuming that violence would be greater among those using crack.
Breuer said the best way to deal with violence is to severely punish anyone who commits a violent offense, regardless of the drug involved.
"This administration believes our criminal laws should be tough, smart, fair," Breuer said, but also should "promote public trust and confidence in the criminal justice system."
Walton said, "We were mistaken" to enact the disparity. "There's no greater violence in cases before me."
He added that jurors have expressed an unwillingness to serve in crack cocaine cases because of the disparity.
President Barack Obama had called for such a change while campaigning for the White House.
Breuer said the government should focus on punishing drug trafficking networks, like the cartels wreaking havoc in Mexico, and those whose crimes include acts of violence.
The Obama administration is also seeking to increase drug treatment, as well as rehabilitation programs for felons after they're released from prison.
While politicians often support laws lengthening prison terms for various crimes, it is rarer to try to reduce sentences, in part out of concern they may appear soft on crime. But recently, some states have been moving on their own to temper long-standing "get tough" laws.
In New York last month, state leaders reached an agreement to repeal the last vestiges of the Rockefeller drug laws, once seen as the harshest in the nation. Kentucky enacted changes that would put more addicts in treatment, and fewer behind bars.
The Justice Department is working on recommendations for a new set of sentences for cocaine, and Breuer urged Congress to overhaul the current law, written in 1986 at the height of public concern about crack use.
Since then, Breuer argued, prosecutors' views of crack cocaine has evolved to a more "refined understanding" of crack and powdered cocaine usage.
He also suggested that until such changes are made, federal prosecutors may encourage judges to use their discretion to depart from the current sentencing guidelines. Such departures are rare in the federal courts.
"Jails are loaded with people who look like me," U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton, an African-American, told a Senate Judiciary subcommittee hearing.
Assistant Attorney General Lanny Breuer said the administration believes Congress' goal "should be to completely eliminate the disparity" between the two forms of cocaine. "A growing number of citizens view it as fundamentally unfair," Breuer testified.
It takes 100 times more powdered cocaine than crack cocaine to trigger the same harsh mandatory minimum sentences.
Sen. Dick Durbin, an Illinois Democrat who chairs the committee, said, "Under current law, mere possession of five grams of crack — the weight of five packets of sweetener — carries the same sentence as distribution of half a kilogram of powder or 500 packets of sweetener."
Durbin said more than 81 percent of those convicted for crack offenses in 2007 were African-American, although only about 25 percent of crack cocaine users are African Americans.
Congress enacted the disparity during an epidemic of crack cocaine in the 1980s, but the senator said lawmakers erred in assuming that violence would be greater among those using crack.
Breuer said the best way to deal with violence is to severely punish anyone who commits a violent offense, regardless of the drug involved.
"This administration believes our criminal laws should be tough, smart, fair," Breuer said, but also should "promote public trust and confidence in the criminal justice system."
Walton said, "We were mistaken" to enact the disparity. "There's no greater violence in cases before me."
He added that jurors have expressed an unwillingness to serve in crack cocaine cases because of the disparity.
President Barack Obama had called for such a change while campaigning for the White House.
Breuer said the government should focus on punishing drug trafficking networks, like the cartels wreaking havoc in Mexico, and those whose crimes include acts of violence.
The Obama administration is also seeking to increase drug treatment, as well as rehabilitation programs for felons after they're released from prison.
While politicians often support laws lengthening prison terms for various crimes, it is rarer to try to reduce sentences, in part out of concern they may appear soft on crime. But recently, some states have been moving on their own to temper long-standing "get tough" laws.
In New York last month, state leaders reached an agreement to repeal the last vestiges of the Rockefeller drug laws, once seen as the harshest in the nation. Kentucky enacted changes that would put more addicts in treatment, and fewer behind bars.
The Justice Department is working on recommendations for a new set of sentences for cocaine, and Breuer urged Congress to overhaul the current law, written in 1986 at the height of public concern about crack use.
Since then, Breuer argued, prosecutors' views of crack cocaine has evolved to a more "refined understanding" of crack and powdered cocaine usage.
He also suggested that until such changes are made, federal prosecutors may encourage judges to use their discretion to depart from the current sentencing guidelines. Such departures are rare in the federal courts.
Managing Body Image Issues
Our sex experts face off and argue, "Is zero percent body fat on a woman really what men are looking for?"
Dr. Trina’s Point: Us women will always find something wrong with our body image.
How do you men put up with this? Brian, what can I say to women about their body image that hasn’t been said a thousand times before? Women have been there, done that, worn the t-shirt.
Women resonate when Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex writes, "Eighty percent of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Five to ten million adolescent girls and adult women struggle with eating disorders in the United States alone. Almost half of all American women are on a diet any day of the week."
Women nod their head with recognition when they read that their sexual function and satisfaction is affected more by their body image than by menopause—backed up by a recent Penn State study published in The Journal of Sex Research.
Women understand how the multi-billion dollar fashion industry promotes every second of every minute in how their body is inadequate. You men are probably scratching your heads wondering: If women know all of this, why are they paralyzed at the thought of letting loose in the bedroom and shaking what their mamma gave them?
Why is it so hard for women to be empowered by their body? A woman’s body is as unique as her fingerprint—the yummy bits as well as the rolls, sagginess and cellulite.
Well men, here’s the long anticipated answer: Women use a hated body part as an excuse to manifest all of their non-body related insecurities. In workshops I ask women, "If you were able to take an eraser and wipe out the body part you don’t like, and poof, like magic, it became perfect, would you feel more sexy?"
The women immediately answer, "Well, yes of course." I look them straight in the eye and reply, "Are you sure about that? I think you would merely find a new body part to start hating."
As we are now witnessing Brian, plastic surgeons must put a limit on the amount of procedures women can have. The more obsessed women become with their bodies, the more they bleed away their personal power. Obsession usually masks as indifference or control—three ubiquitous qualities that completely smother the spark in the bedroom. It’s the truest way to selfishly push your partner away.
Tell me Brian, what do men think of all this body image craziness?
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint: Newsflash, most men don’t care about their woman’s body issues or understand why they have them.
Men can’t figure out what the big fuss is about. Contrary to popular belief, most men don’t get excited over zero percent body fat. Most men prefer women to be curvy and voluptuous.
Men and women often argue about having sex with the lights on or off. Men are turned on visually. They love to see their partner’s naked body in sensual acts. Many women, however, prefer sex with the lights off. Sure you females are not as visual as us men, but the reason you’re always turning out the lights is most often because of body image issues.
Most men don’t care what they look like in the bedroom. Hello Trina, how many men have you heard brag about how much money they’ve spent developing their beer belly? Of course, some men wish they were more Adonis and less Homer, but us men are generally more concerned about things like height and baldness.
You women are so hard on yourself when it comes to body image. While you don’t like what you see in the mirror, your male counterpart is likely to be pleased with what they see. In fact, men often over-estimate their attractiveness, while women seem to obsess about their own lack of perfection.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do that extra abdominal crunch. Most people desire to have a tighter butt or slimmer stomach. We all need to lead happy and healthy lives, both physically and mentally. Once we are realistic about achieving ‘our best,’ we can be happier in and out of the bedroom.
You gals feel you need to look like your ‘not so average’ fashion model to be beautiful. But, even the fashion industry is taking miniscule steps to expand their definition of beauty. Go Queen Latifa, Go!
I’ve talked to many women who hold back from trying new and exciting sexual positions for fear of looking chubby. Interestingly, men think an enthusiastic partner is a much bigger turn on than one without the extra roll. Further, the chance of having an orgasm is drastically reduced if you’re sucking in that tummy during sex.
Come on girls, we’re not taking your body so serious, so why should you? And remember, if body image is an issue for you, just have sex. You’ll be burning about 200 calories per hour while you’re doing it.
Dr. Brian Parker is a sexologist and sex educator and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers free sex tips on her website www.bestsextipsever.com.
You can also hear more from Dr. Trina Read on the Hitched Podcast.
Dr. Trina’s Point: Us women will always find something wrong with our body image.
How do you men put up with this? Brian, what can I say to women about their body image that hasn’t been said a thousand times before? Women have been there, done that, worn the t-shirt.
Women resonate when Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex writes, "Eighty percent of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Five to ten million adolescent girls and adult women struggle with eating disorders in the United States alone. Almost half of all American women are on a diet any day of the week."
Women nod their head with recognition when they read that their sexual function and satisfaction is affected more by their body image than by menopause—backed up by a recent Penn State study published in The Journal of Sex Research.
Women understand how the multi-billion dollar fashion industry promotes every second of every minute in how their body is inadequate. You men are probably scratching your heads wondering: If women know all of this, why are they paralyzed at the thought of letting loose in the bedroom and shaking what their mamma gave them?
Why is it so hard for women to be empowered by their body? A woman’s body is as unique as her fingerprint—the yummy bits as well as the rolls, sagginess and cellulite.
Well men, here’s the long anticipated answer: Women use a hated body part as an excuse to manifest all of their non-body related insecurities. In workshops I ask women, "If you were able to take an eraser and wipe out the body part you don’t like, and poof, like magic, it became perfect, would you feel more sexy?"
The women immediately answer, "Well, yes of course." I look them straight in the eye and reply, "Are you sure about that? I think you would merely find a new body part to start hating."
As we are now witnessing Brian, plastic surgeons must put a limit on the amount of procedures women can have. The more obsessed women become with their bodies, the more they bleed away their personal power. Obsession usually masks as indifference or control—three ubiquitous qualities that completely smother the spark in the bedroom. It’s the truest way to selfishly push your partner away.
Tell me Brian, what do men think of all this body image craziness?
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint: Newsflash, most men don’t care about their woman’s body issues or understand why they have them.
Men can’t figure out what the big fuss is about. Contrary to popular belief, most men don’t get excited over zero percent body fat. Most men prefer women to be curvy and voluptuous.
Men and women often argue about having sex with the lights on or off. Men are turned on visually. They love to see their partner’s naked body in sensual acts. Many women, however, prefer sex with the lights off. Sure you females are not as visual as us men, but the reason you’re always turning out the lights is most often because of body image issues.
Most men don’t care what they look like in the bedroom. Hello Trina, how many men have you heard brag about how much money they’ve spent developing their beer belly? Of course, some men wish they were more Adonis and less Homer, but us men are generally more concerned about things like height and baldness.
You women are so hard on yourself when it comes to body image. While you don’t like what you see in the mirror, your male counterpart is likely to be pleased with what they see. In fact, men often over-estimate their attractiveness, while women seem to obsess about their own lack of perfection.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do that extra abdominal crunch. Most people desire to have a tighter butt or slimmer stomach. We all need to lead happy and healthy lives, both physically and mentally. Once we are realistic about achieving ‘our best,’ we can be happier in and out of the bedroom.
You gals feel you need to look like your ‘not so average’ fashion model to be beautiful. But, even the fashion industry is taking miniscule steps to expand their definition of beauty. Go Queen Latifa, Go!
I’ve talked to many women who hold back from trying new and exciting sexual positions for fear of looking chubby. Interestingly, men think an enthusiastic partner is a much bigger turn on than one without the extra roll. Further, the chance of having an orgasm is drastically reduced if you’re sucking in that tummy during sex.
Come on girls, we’re not taking your body so serious, so why should you? And remember, if body image is an issue for you, just have sex. You’ll be burning about 200 calories per hour while you’re doing it.
Dr. Brian Parker is a sexologist and sex educator and the creator of two sexual intimacy board games "Embrace" and "Pillow Talk". The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. Dr. Read is also an international speaker and offers free sex tips on her website www.bestsextipsever.com.
You can also hear more from Dr. Trina Read on the Hitched Podcast.
Dating 101: Reviving Your Relationship
Life as a couple isn't always a walk in the park. Here, dating coach Jackie Black reveals what modern intimacy should offer, common relationship obstacles, and sure-fire ways to stay in love.
We have powerful desires to belong and to connect with a special someone. We demand more intimacy and insist on supporting each other to live our best "individual" life. At the same time, we desire co-creating deeply meaningful relationships that provide:
* Safe havens to be one's most vulnerable self.
* An openness to the most sacred feelings shared with another.
* Connections defined by joy and hope of a future that will be a lasting testament of love and commitment.
Individual Needs vs. Partnership Needs
What you seek in a romantic relationship may not always manifest fully when you transition from being single to being a partner. A big challenge in committing to another person is the potential loss of personal identity and giving up personal hopes and dreams. These losses would have been a virtual certainty in an outdated model of monogamous relationships.
Not so today: Contemporary couples are ready to honor their individual needs and create partnerships that respect their deeper selves; develop skills, rituals, and practices for deepening emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with each other.
The Common Problem for Couples
If you are in the majority of contemporary committed couples, I'll bet that you spend more time each week watching TV or commuting to work than you do alone with your honey.
In your demanding world filled with multiple responsibilities and distractions, everything and everyone else seems to be more important than attending to your most intimate relationship.
I think you'd agree that to keep that spark in your relationship alive, you and your beloved must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time together.
Tips to Reviving Your Relationship
Do you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to one or the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in the way and spoil your planned time together?
Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
1. Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time for each other.
2. At least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan a date day (that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each quarter, plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away together.
3. Mark your planned time in your calendar, just like a dentist appointment or an appointment with a client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of time.
4. Take turns planning your dates each week.
5. Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.
6. Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.
7. Take a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.
8. Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.
9. Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."
Think back to when you first started dating. What did you do? What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do? Why did you fall in love?
Let your creative juices flow. Let your imagination go wild. Anything goes.
Celebrate yourself and each other. Embrace the moment, and the gift of your love.
Remember, only you can make it happen!
We have powerful desires to belong and to connect with a special someone. We demand more intimacy and insist on supporting each other to live our best "individual" life. At the same time, we desire co-creating deeply meaningful relationships that provide:
* Safe havens to be one's most vulnerable self.
* An openness to the most sacred feelings shared with another.
* Connections defined by joy and hope of a future that will be a lasting testament of love and commitment.
Individual Needs vs. Partnership Needs
What you seek in a romantic relationship may not always manifest fully when you transition from being single to being a partner. A big challenge in committing to another person is the potential loss of personal identity and giving up personal hopes and dreams. These losses would have been a virtual certainty in an outdated model of monogamous relationships.
Not so today: Contemporary couples are ready to honor their individual needs and create partnerships that respect their deeper selves; develop skills, rituals, and practices for deepening emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with each other.
The Common Problem for Couples
If you are in the majority of contemporary committed couples, I'll bet that you spend more time each week watching TV or commuting to work than you do alone with your honey.
In your demanding world filled with multiple responsibilities and distractions, everything and everyone else seems to be more important than attending to your most intimate relationship.
I think you'd agree that to keep that spark in your relationship alive, you and your beloved must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time together.
Tips to Reviving Your Relationship
Do you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to one or the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in the way and spoil your planned time together?
Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
1. Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time for each other.
2. At least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan a date day (that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each quarter, plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away together.
3. Mark your planned time in your calendar, just like a dentist appointment or an appointment with a client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of time.
4. Take turns planning your dates each week.
5. Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.
6. Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.
7. Take a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.
8. Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.
9. Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."
Think back to when you first started dating. What did you do? What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do? Why did you fall in love?
Let your creative juices flow. Let your imagination go wild. Anything goes.
Celebrate yourself and each other. Embrace the moment, and the gift of your love.
Remember, only you can make it happen!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Quake jars already-nervous Mexico City residents
MEXICO CITY – A strong earthquake struck central Mexico on Monday, swaying tall buildings in the capital and sending office workers into the streets. The quake rattled nerves in a city already tense from a swine flu outbreak suspected of killing as many as 149 people nationwide.
"I'm scared," said Sarai Luna Pajas, a 22-year-old social services worker standing outside her office building moments after it hit. "We Mexicans are not used to living with so much fear, but all that is happening — the economic crisis, the illnesses and now this — it feels like the Apocalypse."
Co-worker Harold Gutierrez, 21, said the country was taking comfort from its religious faith, but he too was gripped by the sensation that the world might be coming to an end.
"If it is, it is God's plan," Gutierrez said, speaking over a green mask he wore to ward off swine flu.
The Interior Ministry said there were no reports of damages anywhere in the country.
The quake had a magnitude of 5.6 and was centered near Chilpancingo, about 130 miles (210 kilometers) southwest of Mexico City or 50 miles (80 kilometers) from the resort of Acapulco, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.
USGS earthquake analyst Don Blakeman said the quake was felt strongly in Mexico City because the epicenter was relatively shallow and the ground under the capital — which is built on a former lake bed — tends to intensify shock waves.
"Distant quakes are often felt" strongly in the city, he said.
The USGS revised the quake's magnitude down from its preliminary estimate of 6.0, and said its depth was 30 miles (50 kilometers).
Tourists also streamed out of hotels in Acapulco and congregated on sidewalks and medians for several minutes. Local Civil Protection officer Silvia Rodriguez said there were no injuries.
"I'm scared," said Sarai Luna Pajas, a 22-year-old social services worker standing outside her office building moments after it hit. "We Mexicans are not used to living with so much fear, but all that is happening — the economic crisis, the illnesses and now this — it feels like the Apocalypse."
Co-worker Harold Gutierrez, 21, said the country was taking comfort from its religious faith, but he too was gripped by the sensation that the world might be coming to an end.
"If it is, it is God's plan," Gutierrez said, speaking over a green mask he wore to ward off swine flu.
The Interior Ministry said there were no reports of damages anywhere in the country.
The quake had a magnitude of 5.6 and was centered near Chilpancingo, about 130 miles (210 kilometers) southwest of Mexico City or 50 miles (80 kilometers) from the resort of Acapulco, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.
USGS earthquake analyst Don Blakeman said the quake was felt strongly in Mexico City because the epicenter was relatively shallow and the ground under the capital — which is built on a former lake bed — tends to intensify shock waves.
"Distant quakes are often felt" strongly in the city, he said.
The USGS revised the quake's magnitude down from its preliminary estimate of 6.0, and said its depth was 30 miles (50 kilometers).
Tourists also streamed out of hotels in Acapulco and congregated on sidewalks and medians for several minutes. Local Civil Protection officer Silvia Rodriguez said there were no injuries.
GM to cut 21,000 US factory jobs, shed Pontiac
DETROIT – General Motors Corp. could be majority owned by the federal government under a massive restructuring plan laid out Monday that will cut 21,000 U.S. factory jobs by next year and phase out the storied Pontiac brand.
The plan, which includes an offer to swap roughly $27 billion in bond debt for GM stock, would leave current shareholders holding just 1 percent of the century-old company, which is fighting for its life in the worst auto sales climate in 27 years.
GM is living on $15.4 billion in government loans and said Monday in a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission that it envisions receiving an additional $11.6 billion. But if GM's restructuring plan can't satisfy the government by June 1, the struggling company could go into bankruptcy protection.
GM said that it will ask the government to take more than 50 percent of its common stock in exchange for canceling half the government loans to the company as of June 1. The swap would cancel about $10 billion in government debt.
In addition, GM is offering stock to the United Auto Workers for at least 50 percent of the $20 billion the company must pay into a union run trust that will take over retiree health care expenses starting next year.
If both are successful, the government and UAW health care trust would own 89 percent of GM stock, with the government holding more than a 50 percent stake, CEO Fritz Henderson said in a news conference at GM's Detroit headquarters.
President Barack Obama's administration said in a statement that the bond exchange filing is an important step in GM's restructuring but the administration has not made a final decision about taking stock for part of its loans.
"The interim plan that GM laid out in this filing reflects the work GM has done since March 30 to chart a new path to financial viability. We will continue to work with GM's management as it refines and finalizes this plan and with all of GM's stakeholders to help GM restructure consistent with the president's commitment to a strong, vibrant American auto industry," the statement said.
Henderson said that although the government would own a majority of GM's outstanding common shares, the Treasury "hasn't demonstrated interest in running the company," but would have someone on the board looking out for the taxpayers' interest. The task force has directed current board chairman Kent Kresa to replace several board members.
"The shareholders, the VEBA (health care trust) and the government would want to have a someone on the board of directors," he said.
Deals with the UAW and the Treasury have yet to be finalized, he said.
The struggling automaker said it will offer 225 shares of common stock for every $1,000 in notes held by bondholders as part of a debt-for-equity swap. Henderson said the objective is to reduce GM's $27 billion of outstanding public debt by about $24 billion. The company estimates that after the exchange, bondholders would own 10 percent of the company.
That would leave current common stockholders with only 1 percent, GM said. Still, GM shares rose 34 cents, or 21 percent, to $2.03 in midday trading.
The plans, if successful, would reduce GM's debt by $44 billion from the present figure of about $62.4 billion.
"We would be substantially less-leveraged as a company," Henderson said.
Kip Penniman Jr., an analyst with KDP Investment Advisors Inc., predicted the exchange offer would fail and GM will file for bankruptcy. The value of all of GM's outstanding stock is about $1.27 billion, so if bondholders get about 10 percent of the equity, the offer is only worth about 5 cents per dollar of GM bonds, he said.
GM's plan depends on 90 percent of bondholders exchanging their debt, and "there is no chance that GM will get anywhere near that participation rate," Penniman said in a research note.
Henderson said if the debt exchange isn't successful, he would expect GM to file for bankruptcy protection somewhere around June 1, but such a filing would be unlikely very long before the deadline. Bondholders have until May 26 to accept the exchange offer.
Henderson said the company still prefers to restructure outside of court, but he acknowledged that the prospect of bankruptcy is more likely now that it was a few weeks ago.
"The task at hand in terms of what we need to get done is formidable," Henderson said. "But it can be done."
GM said it would speed up six additional factory closings that were announced in February, although it did not identify the locations. Additional salaried jobs cuts also are coming, beyond the 3,400 in the U.S. completed last week.
Henderson said there would be three more factory closures in 2010 beyond the six that were previously planned. He expects to identify them by publicly in May. They will include assembly, engine and transmission and parts-stamping factories, he said.
Including previously announced plant closures, the restructuring will leave GM with 34 factories at the end of next year, 13 fewer than the 47 it had at the end of 2008.
Besides the U.S. job cuts, General Motors Canada said it plans to slash its hourly work force to from 10,300 currently to 4,400 by 2014 years.
The company also said it plans to reduce its dealership ranks by 42 percent from 2008 to 2010, cutting them from 6,246 to 3,605. When asked how GM would accomplish that, Henderson would say only that the company would be making offers to the dealers in the coming weeks.
Mark LaNeve, vice president of North American sales and marketing, said a big chunk of the dealership reduction — about 450 — would come with the elimination or sale of Saturn, Hummer and Saab. GM would then look to end relationships with dealers that do only a small volume of business with GM, and then move on to other dealers, he said.
"We've got a cadence plan to it," he said. "I don't want to get rid of any dealers," LaNeve said, but acknowledged that that GM has had more dealers than it needs for quite some time.
Henderson said the new plan lowers GM's break-even point in North America to an annual U.S. sales volume of 10 million vehicles. That's slightly more than the current sales rate, but most economists expect an uptick in the second half of the year.
"This lower break-even point better positions GM to generate positive cash flow and earn an adequate return on capital over the course of a normal business cycle, a requirement set forth by the U.S. Treasury," GM said in a statement.
The company said it would phase out its storied Pontiac brand no later than next year, and the futures of Hummer, Saturn and Saab will be resolved by the end of this year by either selling them or phasing them out.
For Pontiac, the decision means the death of a brand known for its muscle cars including the Trans Am made famous in movies and the GTO, the subject of a nostalgic song by Ronny and the Daytonas.
Henderson said in a news conference that the company was spread too thin to make Pontiac work.
"We didn't think we had the resources to get this done from a product perspective," or marketing, he said.
He said the decision was very tough for many at GM because of the 83-year-old brand's heritage.
Henderson said talks continue with potential parties to buy a stake in Opel and are expected to continue through the end of May. He said the company would continue to have a presence in Europe as a stakeholder. He said Chevrolet is one of the fast-growing car segments in Eastern Europe and Russia.
One of the conditions to get aid from Germany is to have a private investor take a stake in Opel, he said.
The plan, which includes an offer to swap roughly $27 billion in bond debt for GM stock, would leave current shareholders holding just 1 percent of the century-old company, which is fighting for its life in the worst auto sales climate in 27 years.
GM is living on $15.4 billion in government loans and said Monday in a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission that it envisions receiving an additional $11.6 billion. But if GM's restructuring plan can't satisfy the government by June 1, the struggling company could go into bankruptcy protection.
GM said that it will ask the government to take more than 50 percent of its common stock in exchange for canceling half the government loans to the company as of June 1. The swap would cancel about $10 billion in government debt.
In addition, GM is offering stock to the United Auto Workers for at least 50 percent of the $20 billion the company must pay into a union run trust that will take over retiree health care expenses starting next year.
If both are successful, the government and UAW health care trust would own 89 percent of GM stock, with the government holding more than a 50 percent stake, CEO Fritz Henderson said in a news conference at GM's Detroit headquarters.
President Barack Obama's administration said in a statement that the bond exchange filing is an important step in GM's restructuring but the administration has not made a final decision about taking stock for part of its loans.
"The interim plan that GM laid out in this filing reflects the work GM has done since March 30 to chart a new path to financial viability. We will continue to work with GM's management as it refines and finalizes this plan and with all of GM's stakeholders to help GM restructure consistent with the president's commitment to a strong, vibrant American auto industry," the statement said.
Henderson said that although the government would own a majority of GM's outstanding common shares, the Treasury "hasn't demonstrated interest in running the company," but would have someone on the board looking out for the taxpayers' interest. The task force has directed current board chairman Kent Kresa to replace several board members.
"The shareholders, the VEBA (health care trust) and the government would want to have a someone on the board of directors," he said.
Deals with the UAW and the Treasury have yet to be finalized, he said.
The struggling automaker said it will offer 225 shares of common stock for every $1,000 in notes held by bondholders as part of a debt-for-equity swap. Henderson said the objective is to reduce GM's $27 billion of outstanding public debt by about $24 billion. The company estimates that after the exchange, bondholders would own 10 percent of the company.
That would leave current common stockholders with only 1 percent, GM said. Still, GM shares rose 34 cents, or 21 percent, to $2.03 in midday trading.
The plans, if successful, would reduce GM's debt by $44 billion from the present figure of about $62.4 billion.
"We would be substantially less-leveraged as a company," Henderson said.
Kip Penniman Jr., an analyst with KDP Investment Advisors Inc., predicted the exchange offer would fail and GM will file for bankruptcy. The value of all of GM's outstanding stock is about $1.27 billion, so if bondholders get about 10 percent of the equity, the offer is only worth about 5 cents per dollar of GM bonds, he said.
GM's plan depends on 90 percent of bondholders exchanging their debt, and "there is no chance that GM will get anywhere near that participation rate," Penniman said in a research note.
Henderson said if the debt exchange isn't successful, he would expect GM to file for bankruptcy protection somewhere around June 1, but such a filing would be unlikely very long before the deadline. Bondholders have until May 26 to accept the exchange offer.
Henderson said the company still prefers to restructure outside of court, but he acknowledged that the prospect of bankruptcy is more likely now that it was a few weeks ago.
"The task at hand in terms of what we need to get done is formidable," Henderson said. "But it can be done."
GM said it would speed up six additional factory closings that were announced in February, although it did not identify the locations. Additional salaried jobs cuts also are coming, beyond the 3,400 in the U.S. completed last week.
Henderson said there would be three more factory closures in 2010 beyond the six that were previously planned. He expects to identify them by publicly in May. They will include assembly, engine and transmission and parts-stamping factories, he said.
Including previously announced plant closures, the restructuring will leave GM with 34 factories at the end of next year, 13 fewer than the 47 it had at the end of 2008.
Besides the U.S. job cuts, General Motors Canada said it plans to slash its hourly work force to from 10,300 currently to 4,400 by 2014 years.
The company also said it plans to reduce its dealership ranks by 42 percent from 2008 to 2010, cutting them from 6,246 to 3,605. When asked how GM would accomplish that, Henderson would say only that the company would be making offers to the dealers in the coming weeks.
Mark LaNeve, vice president of North American sales and marketing, said a big chunk of the dealership reduction — about 450 — would come with the elimination or sale of Saturn, Hummer and Saab. GM would then look to end relationships with dealers that do only a small volume of business with GM, and then move on to other dealers, he said.
"We've got a cadence plan to it," he said. "I don't want to get rid of any dealers," LaNeve said, but acknowledged that that GM has had more dealers than it needs for quite some time.
Henderson said the new plan lowers GM's break-even point in North America to an annual U.S. sales volume of 10 million vehicles. That's slightly more than the current sales rate, but most economists expect an uptick in the second half of the year.
"This lower break-even point better positions GM to generate positive cash flow and earn an adequate return on capital over the course of a normal business cycle, a requirement set forth by the U.S. Treasury," GM said in a statement.
The company said it would phase out its storied Pontiac brand no later than next year, and the futures of Hummer, Saturn and Saab will be resolved by the end of this year by either selling them or phasing them out.
For Pontiac, the decision means the death of a brand known for its muscle cars including the Trans Am made famous in movies and the GTO, the subject of a nostalgic song by Ronny and the Daytonas.
Henderson said in a news conference that the company was spread too thin to make Pontiac work.
"We didn't think we had the resources to get this done from a product perspective," or marketing, he said.
He said the decision was very tough for many at GM because of the 83-year-old brand's heritage.
Henderson said talks continue with potential parties to buy a stake in Opel and are expected to continue through the end of May. He said the company would continue to have a presence in Europe as a stakeholder. He said Chevrolet is one of the fast-growing car segments in Eastern Europe and Russia.
One of the conditions to get aid from Germany is to have a private investor take a stake in Opel, he said.
5 Things Your Mother-In-Law Won't Admit
So you married your soul mate and are about to walk down the aisle towards the start of something special. Don't be alarmed if there's a tugging at your sleeve as you link arms with Mr. Wonderful and head off into the horizon.
That's not an overzealous bridesmaid biting at your heel; it's your husband's mother.
Before becoming your husband, the man of your dreams was the center of someone else's universe, his mother's. Mama's boy or not, your husband's mother had first dibs on your guy even before you were old enough to walk, let alone say "I do." Now that you're married, there are a few things she'd like you to know about the man you now call your own.
Reader's Digest recently published a list of 13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You compiled by Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD author of The Mother-in-Law's Manual and Jane Angelich author of What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do? A few mother-in-laws chimed in, anonymously of course, but as expected.
We thought we'd take a stab at her, err, it as well.
1. He'll treat you the same way he treats me. If your guy calls his mother every day, chances are he's just as likely to check in with you as often. Likewise, if a man forgets his mama's birthday, don't expect there to be frequent bouts of flowers and chocolate.
2. I'm ready for you to have children even if you're not. Although the word "grandma" might not be her cup of tea, from the moment your man left home, she's been craving the opportunity to cradle a little one. Just because she's not taking you shopping at Babies R Us doesn't mean there's not a stack of onesies waiting in the guest bedroom.
3. If you leave me alone in your house, I'm going to snoop. Oh please, as if you wouldn't do the same. Bedrooms may be off limits but the kitchen is fair game. Don't stock your fridge with frozen dinners unless you're prepared to be judged.
4. I care about your sex life. This has less to do with the aforementioned child rearing and more to do with the fact that good sex usually leads to a healthy marriage. She may not want to hear all the details but she cares about your guy's happiness just as much as you do.
5. He loves you more than me. Difficult to prove but definitely fact, you are the center of your man's world right now. There's a very expensive rock on your finger that, in addition to the mother-in-law he just inherited, proves he's willing to move mountains on your behalf. Tread lightly on this one, as mountains tend to shift, but chances are your mother-in-law sees the way he looks at you and knows, deep down, he's gone for good.
That's not an overzealous bridesmaid biting at your heel; it's your husband's mother.
Before becoming your husband, the man of your dreams was the center of someone else's universe, his mother's. Mama's boy or not, your husband's mother had first dibs on your guy even before you were old enough to walk, let alone say "I do." Now that you're married, there are a few things she'd like you to know about the man you now call your own.
Reader's Digest recently published a list of 13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You compiled by Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD author of The Mother-in-Law's Manual and Jane Angelich author of What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do? A few mother-in-laws chimed in, anonymously of course, but as expected.
We thought we'd take a stab at her, err, it as well.
1. He'll treat you the same way he treats me. If your guy calls his mother every day, chances are he's just as likely to check in with you as often. Likewise, if a man forgets his mama's birthday, don't expect there to be frequent bouts of flowers and chocolate.
2. I'm ready for you to have children even if you're not. Although the word "grandma" might not be her cup of tea, from the moment your man left home, she's been craving the opportunity to cradle a little one. Just because she's not taking you shopping at Babies R Us doesn't mean there's not a stack of onesies waiting in the guest bedroom.
3. If you leave me alone in your house, I'm going to snoop. Oh please, as if you wouldn't do the same. Bedrooms may be off limits but the kitchen is fair game. Don't stock your fridge with frozen dinners unless you're prepared to be judged.
4. I care about your sex life. This has less to do with the aforementioned child rearing and more to do with the fact that good sex usually leads to a healthy marriage. She may not want to hear all the details but she cares about your guy's happiness just as much as you do.
5. He loves you more than me. Difficult to prove but definitely fact, you are the center of your man's world right now. There's a very expensive rock on your finger that, in addition to the mother-in-law he just inherited, proves he's willing to move mountains on your behalf. Tread lightly on this one, as mountains tend to shift, but chances are your mother-in-law sees the way he looks at you and knows, deep down, he's gone for good.
Gov't advises against unnecessary travel to Mexico
ATLANTA – The federal government is preparing a travel advisory instructing Americans to avoid nonessential travel to Mexico, the acting head of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Monday.
Dr. Richard Besser made the disclosure during a news conference in Atlanta, saying the advisory was being released "out of an abundance of caution."
Besser also reported 40 confirmed cases of swine flu in the United States, including 20 in New York City. He said people can help keep the disease from spreading by taking everyday precautions such as frequent handwashing, covering up coughs and sneezes, and staying away from work or school if they're not feeling well.
Before the CDC changed its advice to travelers, U.S. airlines were reporting that some passengers have already changed or canceled their plans to fly to Mexico.
Spokespeople for US Airways, American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said Monday passengers have requested travel changes, but none of the carriers would say how many. The three airlines said their operations are proceeding as normal and they have not canceled any flights to Mexico as a result of the scare.
"The loads are a little bit less than they normally would be for this time of day, but we are not seeing mass bookings away," said Michelle Mohr, a spokeswoman for US Airways.
The carrier does not fly nonstop from Europe to Mexico, but it does offer European travelers the ability to connect to Mexico through U.S. airports. The top European Union health official urged Europeans on Monday to postpone nonessential travel to parts of the United States and Mexico because of the swine flu virus.
American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith said his carrier has not had a lot of requests for travel changes, though there have been some.
Delta continues to follow CDC and government agency recommendations, spokesman Anthony Black said.
"We have seen minimal changes to customer bookings," he said.
Several airlines are allowing passengers to change their travel plans to or from Mexico without any fee or penalty.
Airline stocks, meanwhile, were pummeled Monday. Shares of Delta, US Airways and American parent AMR Corp. were down double-digit or high single-digit percentages in midday trading in New York.
Merrill Lynch analyst Michael Linenberg said in a research note Monday that news of Mexico's outbreak of deadly swine flu is likely to pressure U.S. airline stocks in the near-term as investors fear a replaying of Asia's SARS episode, which impacted the global sector in the spring of 2003.
"Airlines with large international operations, especially to/from Mexico, are likely to be perceived by the market as having the most downside risk in the event that the swine flu becomes a pandemic," Linenberg said.
Dr. Richard Besser made the disclosure during a news conference in Atlanta, saying the advisory was being released "out of an abundance of caution."
Besser also reported 40 confirmed cases of swine flu in the United States, including 20 in New York City. He said people can help keep the disease from spreading by taking everyday precautions such as frequent handwashing, covering up coughs and sneezes, and staying away from work or school if they're not feeling well.
Before the CDC changed its advice to travelers, U.S. airlines were reporting that some passengers have already changed or canceled their plans to fly to Mexico.
Spokespeople for US Airways, American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said Monday passengers have requested travel changes, but none of the carriers would say how many. The three airlines said their operations are proceeding as normal and they have not canceled any flights to Mexico as a result of the scare.
"The loads are a little bit less than they normally would be for this time of day, but we are not seeing mass bookings away," said Michelle Mohr, a spokeswoman for US Airways.
The carrier does not fly nonstop from Europe to Mexico, but it does offer European travelers the ability to connect to Mexico through U.S. airports. The top European Union health official urged Europeans on Monday to postpone nonessential travel to parts of the United States and Mexico because of the swine flu virus.
American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith said his carrier has not had a lot of requests for travel changes, though there have been some.
Delta continues to follow CDC and government agency recommendations, spokesman Anthony Black said.
"We have seen minimal changes to customer bookings," he said.
Several airlines are allowing passengers to change their travel plans to or from Mexico without any fee or penalty.
Airline stocks, meanwhile, were pummeled Monday. Shares of Delta, US Airways and American parent AMR Corp. were down double-digit or high single-digit percentages in midday trading in New York.
Merrill Lynch analyst Michael Linenberg said in a research note Monday that news of Mexico's outbreak of deadly swine flu is likely to pressure U.S. airline stocks in the near-term as investors fear a replaying of Asia's SARS episode, which impacted the global sector in the spring of 2003.
"Airlines with large international operations, especially to/from Mexico, are likely to be perceived by the market as having the most downside risk in the event that the swine flu becomes a pandemic," Linenberg said.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Is swine flu 'the big one' or a flu that fizzles?
ATLANTA – As reports of a unique form of swine flu erupt around the world, the inevitable question arises: Is this the big one?
Is this the next big global flu epidemic that public health experts have long anticipated and worried about? Is this the novel virus that will kill millions around the world, as pandemics did in 1918, 1957 and 1968?
The short answer is it's too soon to tell.
"What makes this so difficult is we may be somewhere between an important but yet still uneventful public health occurrence here — with something that could literally die out over the next couple of weeks and never show up again — or this could be the opening act of a full-fledged influenza pandemic," said Michael Osterholm, a prominent expert on global flu outbreaks with the University of Minnesota.
"We have no clue right now where we are between those two extremes. That's the problem," he said.
Health officials want to take every step to prevent an outbreak from spiraling into mass casualties. Predicting influenza is a dicey endeavor, with the U.S. government famously guessing wrong in 1976 about a swine flu pandemic that never materialized.
"The first lesson is anyone who tries to predict influenza often goes down in flames," said Dr. Richard Wenzel, the immediate past president of the International Society for Infectious Diseases.
But health officials are being asked to make such predictions, as panic began to set in over the weekend.
The epicenter was Mexico, where the virus is blamed for 86 deaths and an estimated 1,400 cases in the country since April 13. Schools were closed, church services canceled and Mexican President Felipe Calderon assumed new powers to isolate people infected with the swine flu virus.
International concern magnified as health officials across the world on Sunday said they were investigating suspected cases in people who traveled to Mexico and come back with flu-like illnesses. Among the nations reporting confirmed cases or investigations were Canada, France, Israel and New Zealand.
Meanwhile, in the United States, there were no deaths and all patients had either recovered or were recovering. But the confirmed cases around the nation rose from eight on Saturday morning to 20 by Sunday afternoon, including eight high school kids in New York City — a national media center. The New York Post's front page headline on Sunday was "Pig Flu Panic."
The concern level rose even more when federal officials on Sunday declared a public health emergency — a procedural step, they said, to mobilize antiviral medicine and other resources and be ready if the U.S. situation gets worse.
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention officials say that so far swine flu cases in this country have been mild. But they also say more cases are likely to be reported, at least partly because doctors and health officials across the country are looking intensively for suspicious cases.
And, troublingly, more severe cases are also likely, said Dr. Richard Besser, the CDC's acting director, in a Sunday news conference.
"As we continue to look for cases, we are going to see a broader spectrum of disease," he predicted. "We're going to see more severe disease in this country."
Besser also repeated what health officials have said since the beginning — they don't understand why the illnesses in Mexico have been more numerous and severe than in the United States. In fact, it's not even certain that new infections are occurring. The numbers could be rising simply because everyone's on the lookout.
He also said comparison to past pandemics are difficult.
"Every outbreak is unique," Besser said.
The new virus is called a swine flu, though it contains genetic segments from humans and birds viruses as well as from pigs from North America, Europe and Asia. Health officials had seen combinations of bird, pig and human virus before — but never such an intercontinental mix, including more than one pig virus.
More disturbing, this virus seems to spread among people more easily than past swine flus that have sometimes jumped from pigs to people.
There's a historical cause for people to worry.
Flu pandemics have been occurring with some regularity since at least the 1500s, but the frame of reference for health officials is the catastrophe of 1918-19. That one killed an estimated 20 to 50 million people worldwide.
Disease testing and tracking were far less sophisticated then, but the virus appeared in humans and pigs at about the same time and it was known as both Spanish flu and swine flu. Experts since then have said the deadly germ actually originated in birds.
But pigs may have made it worse. That pandemic began with a wave of mild illness that hit in the spring of 1918, followed by a far deadlier wave in the fall which was most lethal to young, healthy adults. Scientists have speculated that something happened to the virus after the first wave — one theory held that it infected pigs or other animals and mutated there — before revisiting humans in a deadlier form.
Pigs are considered particularly susceptible to both bird and human viruses and a likely place where the kind of genetic reassortment can take place that might lead to a new form of deadly, easily spread flu, scientists believe.
Such concern triggered public health alarm in 1976, when soldiers at Fort Dix, N.J., became sick with an unusual form of swine flu.
Federal officials vaccinated 40 million Americans. The pandemic never materialized, but thousands who got the shots filed injury claims, saying they suffered a paralyzing condition and other side effects from the vaccinations.
To this day, health officials don't know why the 1976 virus petered out.
Flu shots have been offered in the United States since the 1940s, but new types of flu viruses have remained a threat. Global outbreaks occurred again in 1957 and 1968, though the main victims were the elderly and chronically ill.
In the last several years, experts have been focused on a form of bird flu that was first reported in Asia. It's a highly deadly strain that has killed more than 250 people worldwide since 2003. Health officials around the world have taken steps to prepare for the possibility of that becoming a global outbreak, but to date that virus has not gained the ability to spread easily from person to person.
Is this the next big global flu epidemic that public health experts have long anticipated and worried about? Is this the novel virus that will kill millions around the world, as pandemics did in 1918, 1957 and 1968?
The short answer is it's too soon to tell.
"What makes this so difficult is we may be somewhere between an important but yet still uneventful public health occurrence here — with something that could literally die out over the next couple of weeks and never show up again — or this could be the opening act of a full-fledged influenza pandemic," said Michael Osterholm, a prominent expert on global flu outbreaks with the University of Minnesota.
"We have no clue right now where we are between those two extremes. That's the problem," he said.
Health officials want to take every step to prevent an outbreak from spiraling into mass casualties. Predicting influenza is a dicey endeavor, with the U.S. government famously guessing wrong in 1976 about a swine flu pandemic that never materialized.
"The first lesson is anyone who tries to predict influenza often goes down in flames," said Dr. Richard Wenzel, the immediate past president of the International Society for Infectious Diseases.
But health officials are being asked to make such predictions, as panic began to set in over the weekend.
The epicenter was Mexico, where the virus is blamed for 86 deaths and an estimated 1,400 cases in the country since April 13. Schools were closed, church services canceled and Mexican President Felipe Calderon assumed new powers to isolate people infected with the swine flu virus.
International concern magnified as health officials across the world on Sunday said they were investigating suspected cases in people who traveled to Mexico and come back with flu-like illnesses. Among the nations reporting confirmed cases or investigations were Canada, France, Israel and New Zealand.
Meanwhile, in the United States, there were no deaths and all patients had either recovered or were recovering. But the confirmed cases around the nation rose from eight on Saturday morning to 20 by Sunday afternoon, including eight high school kids in New York City — a national media center. The New York Post's front page headline on Sunday was "Pig Flu Panic."
The concern level rose even more when federal officials on Sunday declared a public health emergency — a procedural step, they said, to mobilize antiviral medicine and other resources and be ready if the U.S. situation gets worse.
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention officials say that so far swine flu cases in this country have been mild. But they also say more cases are likely to be reported, at least partly because doctors and health officials across the country are looking intensively for suspicious cases.
And, troublingly, more severe cases are also likely, said Dr. Richard Besser, the CDC's acting director, in a Sunday news conference.
"As we continue to look for cases, we are going to see a broader spectrum of disease," he predicted. "We're going to see more severe disease in this country."
Besser also repeated what health officials have said since the beginning — they don't understand why the illnesses in Mexico have been more numerous and severe than in the United States. In fact, it's not even certain that new infections are occurring. The numbers could be rising simply because everyone's on the lookout.
He also said comparison to past pandemics are difficult.
"Every outbreak is unique," Besser said.
The new virus is called a swine flu, though it contains genetic segments from humans and birds viruses as well as from pigs from North America, Europe and Asia. Health officials had seen combinations of bird, pig and human virus before — but never such an intercontinental mix, including more than one pig virus.
More disturbing, this virus seems to spread among people more easily than past swine flus that have sometimes jumped from pigs to people.
There's a historical cause for people to worry.
Flu pandemics have been occurring with some regularity since at least the 1500s, but the frame of reference for health officials is the catastrophe of 1918-19. That one killed an estimated 20 to 50 million people worldwide.
Disease testing and tracking were far less sophisticated then, but the virus appeared in humans and pigs at about the same time and it was known as both Spanish flu and swine flu. Experts since then have said the deadly germ actually originated in birds.
But pigs may have made it worse. That pandemic began with a wave of mild illness that hit in the spring of 1918, followed by a far deadlier wave in the fall which was most lethal to young, healthy adults. Scientists have speculated that something happened to the virus after the first wave — one theory held that it infected pigs or other animals and mutated there — before revisiting humans in a deadlier form.
Pigs are considered particularly susceptible to both bird and human viruses and a likely place where the kind of genetic reassortment can take place that might lead to a new form of deadly, easily spread flu, scientists believe.
Such concern triggered public health alarm in 1976, when soldiers at Fort Dix, N.J., became sick with an unusual form of swine flu.
Federal officials vaccinated 40 million Americans. The pandemic never materialized, but thousands who got the shots filed injury claims, saying they suffered a paralyzing condition and other side effects from the vaccinations.
To this day, health officials don't know why the 1976 virus petered out.
Flu shots have been offered in the United States since the 1940s, but new types of flu viruses have remained a threat. Global outbreaks occurred again in 1957 and 1968, though the main victims were the elderly and chronically ill.
In the last several years, experts have been focused on a form of bird flu that was first reported in Asia. It's a highly deadly strain that has killed more than 250 people worldwide since 2003. Health officials around the world have taken steps to prepare for the possibility of that becoming a global outbreak, but to date that virus has not gained the ability to spread easily from person to person.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Mexico swine flu deaths spur global epidemic fears
MEXICO CITY – A unique strain of swine flu is the suspected killer of dozens of people in Mexico, where authorities closed schools, museums, libraries and theaters in the capital on Friday to try to contain an outbreak that has spurred concerns of a global flu epidemic.
The worrisome new virus — which combines genetic material from pigs, birds and humans in a way researchers have not seen before — also sickened at least eight people in Texas and California, though there have been no deaths in the U.S.
"We are very, very concerned," World Health Organization spokesman Thomas Abraham said. "We have what appears to be a novel virus and it has spread from human to human ... It's all hands on deck at the moment."
The outbreak caused alarm in Mexico, where more than 1,000 people have been sickened. Residents of the capital donned surgical masks and authorities ordered the most sweeping shutdown of public gathering places in a quarter century. President Felipe Calderon met with his Cabinet Friday to coordinate Mexico's response.
The WHO was convening an expert panel to consider whether to raise the pandemic alert level or issue travel advisories.
It might already be too late to contain the outbreak, a prominent U.S. pandemic flu expert said late Friday.
Given how quickly flu can spread around the globe, if these are the first signs of a pandemic, then there are probably cases incubating around the world already, said Dr. Michael Osterholm at the University of Minnesota.
In Mexico City, "literally hundreds and thousands of travelers come in and out every day," Osterholm said. "You'd have to believe there's been more unrecognized transmission that's occurred."
There is no vaccine that specifically protects against swine flu, and it was unclear how much protection current human flu vaccines might offer. A "seed stock" genetically matched to the new swine flu virus has been created by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, said Dr. Richard Besser, the agency's acting director. If the government decides vaccine production is necessary, manufacturers would need that stock to get started.
Authorities in Mexico urged people to avoid hospitals unless they had a medical emergency, since hospitals are centers of infection. They also said Mexicans should refrain from customary greetings such as shaking hands or kissing cheeks. At Mexico City's international airport, passengers were questioned to try to prevent anyone with flu symptoms from boarding airplanes and spreading the disease.
Epidemiologists are particularly concerned because the only fatalities so far were in young people and adults.
The eight U.S. victims recovered from symptoms that were like those of the regular flu, mostly fever, cough and sore throat, though some also experienced vomiting and diarrhea.
U.S. health officials announced an outbreak notice to travelers, urging caution and frequent handwashing, but stopping short of telling Americans to avoid Mexico.
Mexico's Health Secretary Jose Angel Cordoba said 68 people have died of flu and the new swine flu strain had been confirmed in 20 of those deaths. At least 1,004 people nationwide were sick from the suspected flu, he said.
The geographical spread of the outbreaks also concerned the WHO — while 13 of the 20 deaths were in Mexico City, the rest were spread across Mexico — four in central San Luis Potosi, two up near the U.S. border in Baja California, and one in southern Oaxaca state.
Scientists have long been concerned that a new flu virus could launch a worldwide pandemic of a killer disease. A new virus could evolve when different flu viruses infect a pig, a person or a bird, mingling their genetic material. The resulting hybrid could spread quickly because people would have no natural defenses against it.
Still, flu experts were concerned but not alarmed about the latest outbreak.
"We've seen swine influenza in humans over the past several years, and in most cases, it's come from direct pig contact. This seems to be different," said Dr. Arnold Monto, a flu expert with the University of Michigan.
"I think we need to be careful and not apprehensive, but certainly paying attention to new developments as they proceed."
The CDC says two flu drugs, Tamiflu and Relenza, seem effective against the new strain. Roche, the maker of Tamiflu, said the company is prepared to immediately deploy a stockpile of the drug if requested.
Both drugs must be taken early, within a few days of the onset of symptoms, to be most effective.
Cordoba said Mexico has enough Tamiflu to treat 1 million people, but the medicine will be strictly controlled and handed out only by doctors.
Mexico's government had maintained until late Thursday that there was nothing unusual about the flu cases, although this year's flu season had been worse and longer than past years.
The sudden turnaround by public health officials angered many Mexicans.
"They could have stopped it in time," said Araceli Cruz, 24, a university student who emerged from the subway wearing a surgical mask. "Now they've let it spread to other people."
The city was handing out free surgical masks to passengers on buses and the subway system, which carries 5 million people each day. Government workers were ordered to wear the masks, and authorities urged residents to stay home from work if they felt ill.
Closing schools across Mexico's capital of 20 million kept 6.1 million students home, as well as thousands of university students. All state and city-run cultural activities were suspended, including libraries, state-run theaters, and at least 14 museums. Private athletic clubs closed down and soccer leagues were considering canceling weekend games.
The closures were the first citywide shutdown of public gathering places since thousands died in the devastating 1985 earthquake.
Mexico's response brought to mind other major outbreaks, such as when SARS hit Asia. At its peak in 2003, Beijing shuttered schools, cinemas and restaurants, and thousands of people were quarantined at home.
In March 2008, Hong Kong ordered more than a half-million students to stay home for two weeks because of a flu outbreak. It was the first such closure in Hong Kong since the outbreak of SARS, or severe acute respiratory syndrome.
"It's great they are taking precautions," said Lillian Molina, a teacher at the Montessori's World preschool in Mexico City, who scrubbed down empty classrooms with Clorox, soap and Lysol between fielding calls from worried parents.
U.S. health officials said the outbreak is not yet a reason for alarm in the United States. The five people sickened in California and three in Texas have all recovered.
It's unclear how the eight, who became ill between late March and mid-April, contracted the virus because none were in contact with pigs, which is how people usually catch swine flu. And only a few were in contact with each other.
CDC officials described the virus as having a unique combination of gene segments not seen before in people or pigs. The bug contains human virus, avian virus from North America and pig viruses from North America, Europe and Asia. It may be completely new, or it may have been around for a while and was only detected now through improved testing and surveillance, CDC officials said.
The most notorious flu pandemic is thought to have killed at least 40 million people worldwide in 1918-19. Two other, less deadly flu pandemics struck in 1957 and 1968.
The worrisome new virus — which combines genetic material from pigs, birds and humans in a way researchers have not seen before — also sickened at least eight people in Texas and California, though there have been no deaths in the U.S.
"We are very, very concerned," World Health Organization spokesman Thomas Abraham said. "We have what appears to be a novel virus and it has spread from human to human ... It's all hands on deck at the moment."
The outbreak caused alarm in Mexico, where more than 1,000 people have been sickened. Residents of the capital donned surgical masks and authorities ordered the most sweeping shutdown of public gathering places in a quarter century. President Felipe Calderon met with his Cabinet Friday to coordinate Mexico's response.
The WHO was convening an expert panel to consider whether to raise the pandemic alert level or issue travel advisories.
It might already be too late to contain the outbreak, a prominent U.S. pandemic flu expert said late Friday.
Given how quickly flu can spread around the globe, if these are the first signs of a pandemic, then there are probably cases incubating around the world already, said Dr. Michael Osterholm at the University of Minnesota.
In Mexico City, "literally hundreds and thousands of travelers come in and out every day," Osterholm said. "You'd have to believe there's been more unrecognized transmission that's occurred."
There is no vaccine that specifically protects against swine flu, and it was unclear how much protection current human flu vaccines might offer. A "seed stock" genetically matched to the new swine flu virus has been created by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, said Dr. Richard Besser, the agency's acting director. If the government decides vaccine production is necessary, manufacturers would need that stock to get started.
Authorities in Mexico urged people to avoid hospitals unless they had a medical emergency, since hospitals are centers of infection. They also said Mexicans should refrain from customary greetings such as shaking hands or kissing cheeks. At Mexico City's international airport, passengers were questioned to try to prevent anyone with flu symptoms from boarding airplanes and spreading the disease.
Epidemiologists are particularly concerned because the only fatalities so far were in young people and adults.
The eight U.S. victims recovered from symptoms that were like those of the regular flu, mostly fever, cough and sore throat, though some also experienced vomiting and diarrhea.
U.S. health officials announced an outbreak notice to travelers, urging caution and frequent handwashing, but stopping short of telling Americans to avoid Mexico.
Mexico's Health Secretary Jose Angel Cordoba said 68 people have died of flu and the new swine flu strain had been confirmed in 20 of those deaths. At least 1,004 people nationwide were sick from the suspected flu, he said.
The geographical spread of the outbreaks also concerned the WHO — while 13 of the 20 deaths were in Mexico City, the rest were spread across Mexico — four in central San Luis Potosi, two up near the U.S. border in Baja California, and one in southern Oaxaca state.
Scientists have long been concerned that a new flu virus could launch a worldwide pandemic of a killer disease. A new virus could evolve when different flu viruses infect a pig, a person or a bird, mingling their genetic material. The resulting hybrid could spread quickly because people would have no natural defenses against it.
Still, flu experts were concerned but not alarmed about the latest outbreak.
"We've seen swine influenza in humans over the past several years, and in most cases, it's come from direct pig contact. This seems to be different," said Dr. Arnold Monto, a flu expert with the University of Michigan.
"I think we need to be careful and not apprehensive, but certainly paying attention to new developments as they proceed."
The CDC says two flu drugs, Tamiflu and Relenza, seem effective against the new strain. Roche, the maker of Tamiflu, said the company is prepared to immediately deploy a stockpile of the drug if requested.
Both drugs must be taken early, within a few days of the onset of symptoms, to be most effective.
Cordoba said Mexico has enough Tamiflu to treat 1 million people, but the medicine will be strictly controlled and handed out only by doctors.
Mexico's government had maintained until late Thursday that there was nothing unusual about the flu cases, although this year's flu season had been worse and longer than past years.
The sudden turnaround by public health officials angered many Mexicans.
"They could have stopped it in time," said Araceli Cruz, 24, a university student who emerged from the subway wearing a surgical mask. "Now they've let it spread to other people."
The city was handing out free surgical masks to passengers on buses and the subway system, which carries 5 million people each day. Government workers were ordered to wear the masks, and authorities urged residents to stay home from work if they felt ill.
Closing schools across Mexico's capital of 20 million kept 6.1 million students home, as well as thousands of university students. All state and city-run cultural activities were suspended, including libraries, state-run theaters, and at least 14 museums. Private athletic clubs closed down and soccer leagues were considering canceling weekend games.
The closures were the first citywide shutdown of public gathering places since thousands died in the devastating 1985 earthquake.
Mexico's response brought to mind other major outbreaks, such as when SARS hit Asia. At its peak in 2003, Beijing shuttered schools, cinemas and restaurants, and thousands of people were quarantined at home.
In March 2008, Hong Kong ordered more than a half-million students to stay home for two weeks because of a flu outbreak. It was the first such closure in Hong Kong since the outbreak of SARS, or severe acute respiratory syndrome.
"It's great they are taking precautions," said Lillian Molina, a teacher at the Montessori's World preschool in Mexico City, who scrubbed down empty classrooms with Clorox, soap and Lysol between fielding calls from worried parents.
U.S. health officials said the outbreak is not yet a reason for alarm in the United States. The five people sickened in California and three in Texas have all recovered.
It's unclear how the eight, who became ill between late March and mid-April, contracted the virus because none were in contact with pigs, which is how people usually catch swine flu. And only a few were in contact with each other.
CDC officials described the virus as having a unique combination of gene segments not seen before in people or pigs. The bug contains human virus, avian virus from North America and pig viruses from North America, Europe and Asia. It may be completely new, or it may have been around for a while and was only detected now through improved testing and surveillance, CDC officials said.
The most notorious flu pandemic is thought to have killed at least 40 million people worldwide in 1918-19. Two other, less deadly flu pandemics struck in 1957 and 1968.
What He’s Thinking the First Time You Have Sex
Jake on what’s going on in both of his brains
April 7,2009.
How much do I miss my last girlfriend, Claudia? Put it this way: It hurts to look at a packet of Splenda, her sweetener of choice. I’ve barely dated, let alone gotten naked with anyone. But unless Claudia reads this and rushes back to me, eventually I will end up in bed with someone else. And when that happens, I already know what will be running through my head. Because as wildly, excitedly unpredictable as sex is with a new person, men are not a wildly, excitedly unpredictable bunch when it comes to our thinking. It pretty much always goes like this:
Wow, she smells good
My first thought whenever I get close to a woman is how much better she smells than I do. Part of this is relative, as men basically aspire to smell like nothing. (Except for cologne dudes, and half of them slather it on in lieu of a shower.) But with women it’s not just lotions, creams and perfumes—you all just start off smelling yummy. Claudia has this spot on the back of her neck that’s…there are no words. It was earthy and natural and so delicious that I was constantly coming up behind her to kiss it.
“What is that?” I kept asking.
Her answer: “I don’t know. Soap?”
Whatever she touches, flex
Shoes had been kicked off, jeans were in a tangle on the floor and shirts were seconds from being flung with abandon. This was precisely when my friend Charlie got spooked. “On a good day, my body is a five,” he later said to me. Fearing his new girl’s disapproval, he sucked in his stomach and held it for dear life. “It wasn’t until I got dizzy that I realized I’d forgotten to breathe.”
Every guy has shared Charlie’s self-consciousness. Sure, we notice stuff about you—things like boob shape, unshaved legs and old lacrosse scars. But we’ve been known to miss major details because we’re so focused on our own flaws. Avoiding this crisis of confidence is 97 percent of the reason we work out. (Health and being able to lift heavy stuff make up the other 3 percent.) Not that you even seem to care. One summer I was a madman at the gym and couldn’t wait for the woman I was dating to see my abs. We were in bed after our first time together, her head resting on my almost-washboard stomach. In a sexy, sleepy voice she said, “I love your…hands.” What? I hadn’t consumed a carb in months and she loved my hands?! I ate an entire pizza that night.
What the hell is she into?
By the time you’re in bed, any props that helped us move the action to this point—jokes, cocktails, flowers—have exited the building. We have nothing to fall back on but our bedroom skills. Not helping matters is the fact that we don’t know what you like. One woman gets turned on by ear nibbling, while another gets ticklish. And what about neck kissing—sexy or icky? I’ll never forget the time I launched into my patented nipple routine and the recipient gave me a withering stare and said, “Don’t touch them.” Lots of guys end up playing it too safe. So let us know if you like something. That’s why we love those great little noises you make.
Once a groove has been established and our bodies are happily colliding, you’d think we would wrap up the internal conversation. Instead, questions haunt us in rapid succession: When do I pull out a condom? How long will I last? How long does she expect me to last? How long did the last guy she was with last?
And then, finally, we get out of our own way, and the only thing on our minds can be summed up in four little words: Man, this feels great.
Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.
April 7,2009.
How much do I miss my last girlfriend, Claudia? Put it this way: It hurts to look at a packet of Splenda, her sweetener of choice. I’ve barely dated, let alone gotten naked with anyone. But unless Claudia reads this and rushes back to me, eventually I will end up in bed with someone else. And when that happens, I already know what will be running through my head. Because as wildly, excitedly unpredictable as sex is with a new person, men are not a wildly, excitedly unpredictable bunch when it comes to our thinking. It pretty much always goes like this:
Wow, she smells good
My first thought whenever I get close to a woman is how much better she smells than I do. Part of this is relative, as men basically aspire to smell like nothing. (Except for cologne dudes, and half of them slather it on in lieu of a shower.) But with women it’s not just lotions, creams and perfumes—you all just start off smelling yummy. Claudia has this spot on the back of her neck that’s…there are no words. It was earthy and natural and so delicious that I was constantly coming up behind her to kiss it.
“What is that?” I kept asking.
Her answer: “I don’t know. Soap?”
Whatever she touches, flex
Shoes had been kicked off, jeans were in a tangle on the floor and shirts were seconds from being flung with abandon. This was precisely when my friend Charlie got spooked. “On a good day, my body is a five,” he later said to me. Fearing his new girl’s disapproval, he sucked in his stomach and held it for dear life. “It wasn’t until I got dizzy that I realized I’d forgotten to breathe.”
Every guy has shared Charlie’s self-consciousness. Sure, we notice stuff about you—things like boob shape, unshaved legs and old lacrosse scars. But we’ve been known to miss major details because we’re so focused on our own flaws. Avoiding this crisis of confidence is 97 percent of the reason we work out. (Health and being able to lift heavy stuff make up the other 3 percent.) Not that you even seem to care. One summer I was a madman at the gym and couldn’t wait for the woman I was dating to see my abs. We were in bed after our first time together, her head resting on my almost-washboard stomach. In a sexy, sleepy voice she said, “I love your…hands.” What? I hadn’t consumed a carb in months and she loved my hands?! I ate an entire pizza that night.
What the hell is she into?
By the time you’re in bed, any props that helped us move the action to this point—jokes, cocktails, flowers—have exited the building. We have nothing to fall back on but our bedroom skills. Not helping matters is the fact that we don’t know what you like. One woman gets turned on by ear nibbling, while another gets ticklish. And what about neck kissing—sexy or icky? I’ll never forget the time I launched into my patented nipple routine and the recipient gave me a withering stare and said, “Don’t touch them.” Lots of guys end up playing it too safe. So let us know if you like something. That’s why we love those great little noises you make.
Once a groove has been established and our bodies are happily colliding, you’d think we would wrap up the internal conversation. Instead, questions haunt us in rapid succession: When do I pull out a condom? How long will I last? How long does she expect me to last? How long did the last guy she was with last?
And then, finally, we get out of our own way, and the only thing on our minds can be summed up in four little words: Man, this feels great.
Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.
America's Most Dangerous Cities
In March 2008, Kwame Kilpatrick was charged with eight felonies, including perjury and obstruction of justice. In August, he violated his bail agreement and was thrown in jail. His actions were deplorable for anybody, but Kilpatrick was no Average Joe--he was the mayor of Detroit.
Unfortunately for the Motor City, Kilpatrick, 38, is just one ripple in the area's sea of crime. Detroit is the worst offender on our list of America's most dangerous cities, thanks to a staggering rate of 1,220 violent crimes committed per 100,000 people.
"Detroit has, historically, been one of the more violent cities in the U.S.," says Megan Wolfram, an analyst at iJet Intelligent Risk Systems, a Maryland-based risk-assessment firm. "They have a number of local crime syndicates there--a number of small gangs who tend to compete over territory."
Detroit was followed closely on the list by the greater Memphis, Tenn., and Miami, Fla., metropolitan areas. Those three were the only large cities in America with more than 950 violent crimes committed per 100,000 people.
Behind the Numbers
To determine our list, we used violent crime statistics from the FBI's latest uniform crime report, issued in 2008. The violent crime category is composed of four offenses: murder and non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. We evaluated U.S. metropolitan statistical areas--geographic entities defined by the U.S. Office of Management and Budget for use by federal agencies in collecting, tabulating and publishing federal statistics--with more than 500,000 residents.
Though nationwide crime was down 3.5% year over year in the first six months of 2008, the cities atop our list illustrate a disturbing trend: All 10 of the most dangerous cities were among those identified by the Department of Justice as transit points for Mexican drug cartels.
Run by crime lords like Joaquin Guzman Lorea, these gangs--and their violent turf wars--are spreading into the American Southwest and beyond. Places like Stockton, Calif., nearly 500 miles from Tijuana, have seen an uptick in related violent crime.
"Stockton is a major transit point along the I-5 corridor on the way to Seattle and Vancouver," says Wolfram. "A lot of it is similar to crime happening in the Southwest. For the most part, it's drug gang on drug gang."
Motown Blues
The situation in Mexico has escalated in recent years, but Detroit has been dealing with the same problems for decades. An industrial boomtown during the first half of the 20th century, the population of Detroit proper swelled from 285,000 in 1900 to 990,000 in 1920, reaching a peak of 1.8 million in 1950.
Only half that number still lives within city limits. Starting in the 1960s, Detroit began a precipitous decline. Most scholars blame rapid suburbanization, outsourcing of manufacturing jobs, and federal programs they say exacerbated the situation by creating a culture of joblessness and dependency. Residents fled to the suburbs and to other regions of the country entirely, leaving behind a landscape littered with abandoned buildings.
"Factories that once provided tens of thousands of jobs now stand as hollow shells, windows broken, mute testimony to a lost industrial past," wrote Thomas J. Sugrue in his book The Origins of the Urban Crisis. "Whole sections of the city are eerily apocalyptic."
Detroit isn't the only city on the list that's suffering from abandonment issues.
In Las Vegas, Nev., for example, the housing boom created loads of excess inventory. When the market tanked, homeowners suddenly found themselves with properties worth far less than the mortgages they'd taken out. In the worst cases, banks foreclosed, leaving people without homes--and with more debt than they'd had to begin with. As a result, Sin City is even emptier than Detroit.
"Detroit has trouble showing improvement in its crime rate because dedicated, desperately needed and appropriate resources are not invested in public safety. Painfully, it is not a priority," says Wayne County Prosecuting Attorney Kym L. Worthy. "I wish that those with the resources would view domestic terrorism like they do terrorism across the water. It used to be that we were keeping our head above water and treading quickly. Now we are drowning, and no one seems to really care. All they tell me to do is cut some more."
Few Signs of Improvement
Making matters more difficult, as municipal budgets shrink during this recession, crime-fighting funds are often among the first casualties.
"There's less public spending during downturns," says Wolfram. "Police departments and incarcerations systems are tough to fund."
The news has been bad for decades, but there may yet be hope for Detroit. The city's new mayor, Kenneth V. Cockrel Jr., assumed office on Sept. 19, 2009--and hasn't committed a single felony.
Top 5 Most Dangerous Cities:
No. 1 Detroit, Mich.
(Detroit-Livonia-Dearborn, Mich., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,951,186
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 1,220
No. 2 Memphis, Tenn.
(Memphis, Tenn.-Miss.-Ark. metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,295,670
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 1,218
No. 3. Miami, Fla.
(Miami-Miami Beach-Kendall, Fla. metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 2,401,971
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 988
No. 4 Las Vegas, Nev.
(Las Vegas-Paradise, Nev., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,834,533
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 887
No. 5 Stockton, Calif.
(Stockton, Calif., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 684,406
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 885
To determine our list, we used violent crime statistics from the FBI's latest uniform crime report, issued in 2008. The violent crime category is composed of four offenses: murder and non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. We evaluated U.S. metropolitan statistical areas--geographic entities defined by the U.S. Office of Management and Budget for use by federal agencies in collecting, tabulating and publishing federal statistics--with more than 500,000 residents.
Click here for the full list of America's Most Dangerous Cities.
Unfortunately for the Motor City, Kilpatrick, 38, is just one ripple in the area's sea of crime. Detroit is the worst offender on our list of America's most dangerous cities, thanks to a staggering rate of 1,220 violent crimes committed per 100,000 people.
"Detroit has, historically, been one of the more violent cities in the U.S.," says Megan Wolfram, an analyst at iJet Intelligent Risk Systems, a Maryland-based risk-assessment firm. "They have a number of local crime syndicates there--a number of small gangs who tend to compete over territory."
Detroit was followed closely on the list by the greater Memphis, Tenn., and Miami, Fla., metropolitan areas. Those three were the only large cities in America with more than 950 violent crimes committed per 100,000 people.
Behind the Numbers
To determine our list, we used violent crime statistics from the FBI's latest uniform crime report, issued in 2008. The violent crime category is composed of four offenses: murder and non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. We evaluated U.S. metropolitan statistical areas--geographic entities defined by the U.S. Office of Management and Budget for use by federal agencies in collecting, tabulating and publishing federal statistics--with more than 500,000 residents.
Though nationwide crime was down 3.5% year over year in the first six months of 2008, the cities atop our list illustrate a disturbing trend: All 10 of the most dangerous cities were among those identified by the Department of Justice as transit points for Mexican drug cartels.
Run by crime lords like Joaquin Guzman Lorea, these gangs--and their violent turf wars--are spreading into the American Southwest and beyond. Places like Stockton, Calif., nearly 500 miles from Tijuana, have seen an uptick in related violent crime.
"Stockton is a major transit point along the I-5 corridor on the way to Seattle and Vancouver," says Wolfram. "A lot of it is similar to crime happening in the Southwest. For the most part, it's drug gang on drug gang."
Motown Blues
The situation in Mexico has escalated in recent years, but Detroit has been dealing with the same problems for decades. An industrial boomtown during the first half of the 20th century, the population of Detroit proper swelled from 285,000 in 1900 to 990,000 in 1920, reaching a peak of 1.8 million in 1950.
Only half that number still lives within city limits. Starting in the 1960s, Detroit began a precipitous decline. Most scholars blame rapid suburbanization, outsourcing of manufacturing jobs, and federal programs they say exacerbated the situation by creating a culture of joblessness and dependency. Residents fled to the suburbs and to other regions of the country entirely, leaving behind a landscape littered with abandoned buildings.
"Factories that once provided tens of thousands of jobs now stand as hollow shells, windows broken, mute testimony to a lost industrial past," wrote Thomas J. Sugrue in his book The Origins of the Urban Crisis. "Whole sections of the city are eerily apocalyptic."
Detroit isn't the only city on the list that's suffering from abandonment issues.
In Las Vegas, Nev., for example, the housing boom created loads of excess inventory. When the market tanked, homeowners suddenly found themselves with properties worth far less than the mortgages they'd taken out. In the worst cases, banks foreclosed, leaving people without homes--and with more debt than they'd had to begin with. As a result, Sin City is even emptier than Detroit.
"Detroit has trouble showing improvement in its crime rate because dedicated, desperately needed and appropriate resources are not invested in public safety. Painfully, it is not a priority," says Wayne County Prosecuting Attorney Kym L. Worthy. "I wish that those with the resources would view domestic terrorism like they do terrorism across the water. It used to be that we were keeping our head above water and treading quickly. Now we are drowning, and no one seems to really care. All they tell me to do is cut some more."
Few Signs of Improvement
Making matters more difficult, as municipal budgets shrink during this recession, crime-fighting funds are often among the first casualties.
"There's less public spending during downturns," says Wolfram. "Police departments and incarcerations systems are tough to fund."
The news has been bad for decades, but there may yet be hope for Detroit. The city's new mayor, Kenneth V. Cockrel Jr., assumed office on Sept. 19, 2009--and hasn't committed a single felony.
Top 5 Most Dangerous Cities:
No. 1 Detroit, Mich.
(Detroit-Livonia-Dearborn, Mich., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,951,186
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 1,220
No. 2 Memphis, Tenn.
(Memphis, Tenn.-Miss.-Ark. metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,295,670
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 1,218
No. 3. Miami, Fla.
(Miami-Miami Beach-Kendall, Fla. metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 2,401,971
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 988
No. 4 Las Vegas, Nev.
(Las Vegas-Paradise, Nev., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 1,834,533
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 887
No. 5 Stockton, Calif.
(Stockton, Calif., metropolitan statistical area)
Population: 684,406
Violent Crimes per 100,000: 885
To determine our list, we used violent crime statistics from the FBI's latest uniform crime report, issued in 2008. The violent crime category is composed of four offenses: murder and non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. We evaluated U.S. metropolitan statistical areas--geographic entities defined by the U.S. Office of Management and Budget for use by federal agencies in collecting, tabulating and publishing federal statistics--with more than 500,000 residents.
Click here for the full list of America's Most Dangerous Cities.
Who Killed Chrysler?
A decade ago, the company was sitting on top of the automotive world. Then the Germans took over - but you can't blame them for everything.
NEW YORK (Fortune) -- The survival of Chrysler as an independent company is looking increasingly unlikely.
The fundamentals of its business structure - unappealing passenger cars, dismal quality, little technology, minimal international operations - are scary enough. Meanwhile, continuous rounds of layoffs have hollowed out the company, starving it of the basic resources it needs to engineer, manufacture and market automobiles.
One executive described Chrysler as looking like an imposing castle from the outside, but actually being empty once you got beyond the front door.
Now debt-holders are balking at government demands to take a haircut, car sales show no signs of improving, and the government's May 1 deadline for demonstrating viability is fast approaching. Having escaped bankruptcy in the late '70s and again in the early '90s, Chrysler appears to have run out of options.
Fiat, once held out as Chrysler's last hope, no longer needs to go through the trouble of a formal takeover. It could easily cherry-pick the company's assets in a liquidation. It would cost the Italian automaker a few bucks more, but it would be a lot cheaper in the long run.
So what happened to Chrysler?
While General Motors has been on a slippery slope for 40 years, the roots of Chrysler's decline are more recent. At the time of its merger with Daimler in 1998, it was the hottest company in Detroit.
With its dream team of engineers, designers, and marketers, Chrysler had created a high-profit lineup of minivans, pickup trucks and Jeeps. At one point, its CEO, Robert J. Eaton, was fantasizing about 20% market share and 8% profit margins. Mixing in Daimler's technical resources, global reach, and the always-tantalizing benefits of synergy should have created a Chrysler recipe for success.
But the Germans hamstrung their new American unit more than they helped it. Their formal business structure clashed with Chrysler's more freewheeling ways and promised resources took a long time to make their way from Stuttgart to Auburn Hills.
And Chrysler made plenty of mistakes on its own. The dream team disbanded, engineering costs skyrocketed and an ill-conceived efficiency program hurt vehicle quality and customer appeal.
In retrospect, the fatal blow was struck when then-CEO Dieter Zetsche tried to stretch the product development budget by churning out more new models with less money. It sounded like black magic -- and as it turned out -- it was.
What Chrysler produced were half a dozen derivative models with eye-catching but cheesy styling, bargain- basement interiors and the worst quality in Detroit. Customers caught on quickly. This year, sales of many models are just one-third of what they were just a year ago:
-- 3,186 copies of the square-cornered Jeep Commander, derided as the box that the smaller Grand Cherokee came in, sold in the first quarter, compared with 9,648 a year ago.
-- The smaller, clunkier and even more angular Jeep Compass performed even more poorly, with 3,147 sold in the first quarter versus 10,400 in the same 2008 period.
-- Looking like an extra from a "Transformers" movie, the Jeep-based Dodge Nitro has lit very few fires. Exactly 5,218 have found buyers this year, as against 15,355 last year.
A special place in the Chrysler Hall of Shame should be reserved for the executive who green-lighted the Sebring sedan. Designed to compete against the Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord, the Sebring became a total flop in the midsize segment by trying to combine the virtues of a higher "command seating" position with traditional four door styling. The awkward design satisfied no one. Chrysler managed to sell 30,411 Sebrings in the first three months of last year but just 5, 636 this year.
Instead of 20% market share, Chrysler has notched just 11.2% of U.S. sales in 2009. And of course its profit margin is less than zero.
With that kind of product lineup, why would Fiat want to rush in to save the company? The redesigned Jeep Grand Cherokee looks promising, but its arrival in dealer showrooms is many months away. A new Chrysler 300C is on the way, too, but its day may have come and gone. Designs that really turn heads rarely have legs.
Fiat would be far better off bidding for Chrysler's viable pieces after the lights are turned off: the Jeep Grand Cherokee and Wrangler; Chrysler and Dodge minivans, and Dodge trucks.
After it buys the cars and trucks, it may want to acquire the valuable Saturn network from General Motors to have some dealers through which to sell them. And then Chrysler can join American Motors, Studebaker-Packard and all the other departed in the automotive graveyard.
NEW YORK (Fortune) -- The survival of Chrysler as an independent company is looking increasingly unlikely.
The fundamentals of its business structure - unappealing passenger cars, dismal quality, little technology, minimal international operations - are scary enough. Meanwhile, continuous rounds of layoffs have hollowed out the company, starving it of the basic resources it needs to engineer, manufacture and market automobiles.
One executive described Chrysler as looking like an imposing castle from the outside, but actually being empty once you got beyond the front door.
Now debt-holders are balking at government demands to take a haircut, car sales show no signs of improving, and the government's May 1 deadline for demonstrating viability is fast approaching. Having escaped bankruptcy in the late '70s and again in the early '90s, Chrysler appears to have run out of options.
Fiat, once held out as Chrysler's last hope, no longer needs to go through the trouble of a formal takeover. It could easily cherry-pick the company's assets in a liquidation. It would cost the Italian automaker a few bucks more, but it would be a lot cheaper in the long run.
So what happened to Chrysler?
While General Motors has been on a slippery slope for 40 years, the roots of Chrysler's decline are more recent. At the time of its merger with Daimler in 1998, it was the hottest company in Detroit.
With its dream team of engineers, designers, and marketers, Chrysler had created a high-profit lineup of minivans, pickup trucks and Jeeps. At one point, its CEO, Robert J. Eaton, was fantasizing about 20% market share and 8% profit margins. Mixing in Daimler's technical resources, global reach, and the always-tantalizing benefits of synergy should have created a Chrysler recipe for success.
But the Germans hamstrung their new American unit more than they helped it. Their formal business structure clashed with Chrysler's more freewheeling ways and promised resources took a long time to make their way from Stuttgart to Auburn Hills.
And Chrysler made plenty of mistakes on its own. The dream team disbanded, engineering costs skyrocketed and an ill-conceived efficiency program hurt vehicle quality and customer appeal.
In retrospect, the fatal blow was struck when then-CEO Dieter Zetsche tried to stretch the product development budget by churning out more new models with less money. It sounded like black magic -- and as it turned out -- it was.
What Chrysler produced were half a dozen derivative models with eye-catching but cheesy styling, bargain- basement interiors and the worst quality in Detroit. Customers caught on quickly. This year, sales of many models are just one-third of what they were just a year ago:
-- 3,186 copies of the square-cornered Jeep Commander, derided as the box that the smaller Grand Cherokee came in, sold in the first quarter, compared with 9,648 a year ago.
-- The smaller, clunkier and even more angular Jeep Compass performed even more poorly, with 3,147 sold in the first quarter versus 10,400 in the same 2008 period.
-- Looking like an extra from a "Transformers" movie, the Jeep-based Dodge Nitro has lit very few fires. Exactly 5,218 have found buyers this year, as against 15,355 last year.
A special place in the Chrysler Hall of Shame should be reserved for the executive who green-lighted the Sebring sedan. Designed to compete against the Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord, the Sebring became a total flop in the midsize segment by trying to combine the virtues of a higher "command seating" position with traditional four door styling. The awkward design satisfied no one. Chrysler managed to sell 30,411 Sebrings in the first three months of last year but just 5, 636 this year.
Instead of 20% market share, Chrysler has notched just 11.2% of U.S. sales in 2009. And of course its profit margin is less than zero.
With that kind of product lineup, why would Fiat want to rush in to save the company? The redesigned Jeep Grand Cherokee looks promising, but its arrival in dealer showrooms is many months away. A new Chrysler 300C is on the way, too, but its day may have come and gone. Designs that really turn heads rarely have legs.
Fiat would be far better off bidding for Chrysler's viable pieces after the lights are turned off: the Jeep Grand Cherokee and Wrangler; Chrysler and Dodge minivans, and Dodge trucks.
After it buys the cars and trucks, it may want to acquire the valuable Saturn network from General Motors to have some dealers through which to sell them. And then Chrysler can join American Motors, Studebaker-Packard and all the other departed in the automotive graveyard.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it'll create an environment that supports marriage.
40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.
"Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter — it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.
Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try, "I think we've started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.
What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
The implications are a little scary: It isn't just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they'd be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn't done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn't enough to stop a man from cheating. "Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings," Neuman explains. "They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later." So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don't assume it can't happen. It's important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he's subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can't simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it'll create an environment that supports marriage.
40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.
"Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts," Neuman says. "That's another reason why it's so critical that he feel valued at home." Luckily, there's a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it's time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn't okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it's only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he'd feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter — it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.
Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place. Don't hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what's going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try, "I think we've started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don't want it to disappear." In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.
7 Steps to Happily Ever After: How to Make Your Relationship Last
What makes love last a lifetime? Affection? Yep. Respect? Sure. But a great marriage is not just about what you have. It's about what you do to make a relationship stronger, safer, more caring and committed. Here's how to make your "forever" fantastic.
Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms. And like any house, it requires a strong, lasting foundation. To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps — seven, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you'll be well on your way toward creating a marriage that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live.
Step 1: Find a shared dream for your life together.
It's easy to get caught up in the small stuff of married life: What's for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they're working together to achieve the same big dreams. "Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of 'us,' of being coupled," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. "They have a shared vision, saying things like, 'We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.'"
This kind of dream-sharing starts early. "Couples love to tell the story of how they met," points out Julie Holland, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "It's like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative." As you write and rewrite your love story ("our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y"), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you're a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you're a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.
Step 2: Ignite (and reignite) a sexual connection.
In any good relationship, sex is way more than just a physical act. It's crucial for the health of your emotional connection, too: It's something only the two of you share; it makes you both feel warm and loved; it draws you back together when you're drifting apart. And did I mention that it's a whole lot of fun?
Striking up those sparks when you first meet is easy. Nurturing a strong, steady flame? That's the hard part. When you've got a mortgage, a potbelly, and a decade or two of togetherness under your belts, it can be hard to muster up the fire you felt when you first got together. That's when it's even more important to protect your sex life and make it a priority. "You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other or your sex life will become lackluster," Greer points out. "Who wants the same turkey sandwich over and over? You want it on whole wheat! On toast! As turkey salad! On a roll!" (And now I will imagine my husband covered with Russian dressing. Thanks, Dr. Greer.)
As the years go by, you'll keep revisiting and realigning and reimagining the passion you have for each other. And if you keep at it, you'll have a sex life that transcends your marriage's lack of newness, the stresses of family and work, the physical changes that come with aging. Now that's something worth holding on to.
Step 3: Choose each other as your first family.
For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it's also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or...).
For me, making this transition meant stopping the incessant bitching to my mom when I was mad at my husband — my behavior was disloyal, and I had to learn to talk to Jonathan, not about him. My friend Lynn tells the story of her mother's reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn's boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. "It was clear then that we were the team," Lynn says now. "Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues."
Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.
Step 4: Learn how to fight right.
I'm embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don't worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn't want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.
"Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with," says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That's because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.
Fighting right doesn't just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other's perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. "Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button," says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. "It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others." Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that's what matters.
Step 5: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.
Jonathan and I both work at home. This frequently leads to murderous impulses. Though I'm typing away in the bedroom and he's talking to his consulting clients in our small home office, most days it really feels like too much intimacy for me.
But that's my bias. When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. "There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends," Greer says. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.
Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you'll have to shift your balance accordingly. "My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it's almost all family time," says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. "We realized a few months ago that we hadn't had a conversation that didn't involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn't done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!"
Step 6: Build a best friendship.
Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don't those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too?
"Happy couples are each other's haven," says Holland. "They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs." Greer adds, "When you're true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don't try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you're together — you know you're valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner."
Then there's the way, when you've been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you'll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he'll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh....
Step 7: Face down a major challenge together.
You're sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?
The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it's tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.
"What didn't happen to us?" says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. "My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane."
Hey, marriage is no roll in the hay. It's tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.
Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms. And like any house, it requires a strong, lasting foundation. To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps — seven, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you'll be well on your way toward creating a marriage that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live.
Step 1: Find a shared dream for your life together.
It's easy to get caught up in the small stuff of married life: What's for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they're working together to achieve the same big dreams. "Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of 'us,' of being coupled," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. "They have a shared vision, saying things like, 'We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.'"
This kind of dream-sharing starts early. "Couples love to tell the story of how they met," points out Julie Holland, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "It's like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative." As you write and rewrite your love story ("our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y"), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you're a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you're a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.
Step 2: Ignite (and reignite) a sexual connection.
In any good relationship, sex is way more than just a physical act. It's crucial for the health of your emotional connection, too: It's something only the two of you share; it makes you both feel warm and loved; it draws you back together when you're drifting apart. And did I mention that it's a whole lot of fun?
Striking up those sparks when you first meet is easy. Nurturing a strong, steady flame? That's the hard part. When you've got a mortgage, a potbelly, and a decade or two of togetherness under your belts, it can be hard to muster up the fire you felt when you first got together. That's when it's even more important to protect your sex life and make it a priority. "You have to keep working to create allure and seduction for each other or your sex life will become lackluster," Greer points out. "Who wants the same turkey sandwich over and over? You want it on whole wheat! On toast! As turkey salad! On a roll!" (And now I will imagine my husband covered with Russian dressing. Thanks, Dr. Greer.)
As the years go by, you'll keep revisiting and realigning and reimagining the passion you have for each other. And if you keep at it, you'll have a sex life that transcends your marriage's lack of newness, the stresses of family and work, the physical changes that come with aging. Now that's something worth holding on to.
Step 3: Choose each other as your first family.
For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it's also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or...).
For me, making this transition meant stopping the incessant bitching to my mom when I was mad at my husband — my behavior was disloyal, and I had to learn to talk to Jonathan, not about him. My friend Lynn tells the story of her mother's reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn's boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. "It was clear then that we were the team," Lynn says now. "Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues."
Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.
Step 4: Learn how to fight right.
I'm embarrassed to think of how I coped with conflict early in my relationship with Jonathan. I stormed out — a lot. I once threw an apple at his head. Hard. (Don't worry, I missed — on purpose.) I had a terrible habit of threatening divorce at the slightest provocation. But eventually I figured that this was pretty moronic. I didn't want out, and I knew that pelting someone with fruit was not a long-term marital strategy.
"Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with," says Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., a psychologist and couples therapist in Oakland, CA, and author of After the Fight. That's because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.
Fighting right doesn't just mean not throwing produce; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other's perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. "Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button," says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. "It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others." Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that's what matters.
Step 5: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.
Jonathan and I both work at home. This frequently leads to murderous impulses. Though I'm typing away in the bedroom and he's talking to his consulting clients in our small home office, most days it really feels like too much intimacy for me.
But that's my bias. When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. "There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends," Greer says. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread.
Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you'll have to shift your balance accordingly. "My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it's almost all family time," says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. "We realized a few months ago that we hadn't had a conversation that didn't involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn't done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!"
Step 6: Build a best friendship.
Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don't those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too?
"Happy couples are each other's haven," says Holland. "They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs." Greer adds, "When you're true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don't try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you're together — you know you're valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner."
Then there's the way, when you've been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you'll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he'll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh....
Step 7: Face down a major challenge together.
You're sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?
The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it's tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.
"What didn't happen to us?" says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. "My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane."
Hey, marriage is no roll in the hay. It's tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.
31 Ways to Say "Yes" to Sex
It's a fact:
Putting the moves on your man is one of the best things you can do for your sex life. Why? Well, for starters, making the first move makes you feel powerful, in tune with your own erotic energy, and in charge of your desires. That's pretty sexy stuff. And it makes him feel great, too: Believe it or not, no matter how long you've been together, your guy's ego is on the line every time he asks you to make love. He needs to know you want him just as much as he wants you. By initiating sex, you're showing your enthusiasm for him and for your partnership. Everybody wins!
It may not be your style to blatantly say, "Let's make love tonight." Perhaps you're more of a nudge-and-a-wink kind of girl. Which is fine, as long as he understands your subtle moves. You may think that your over the-shoulder smile as you head toward the bedroom speaks volumes, while he may think it means you're thrilled to be getting to bed so early. Try these silent but unmistakable love zingers to signal that you want him...tonight...right now. He'll get the message.
No Time for Sex?
Try one of these 15 superhot moves, made to fit any schedule!
When you have 60 seconds:
* Plan a sex day. Slip him a note in the morning that says, "I'll meet you in our bedroom in 12 hours. Be there and be naked."
* Sneak a sexy picture in with his mail, in an envelope marked "For Your Eyes Only."
* Try the direct route: Take his hand, place it on your thigh — and then slide it higher, and higher...
When you have 5 minutes:
* Kiss him awake. Then keep on kissing.
* Using an eyeliner pencil, scribble "Kiss me" or "Stroke me" on your stomach, breast, or any other body part, adding arrows to tell him where to go (and what to do) next. He'll love discovering the secret message when you get undressed — and you'll love getting exactly what you want, where you want it.
* Tell him you need to borrow his car keys, then treat yourself to a grope in his front pocket as you fish around for them.
* When he's getting dressed, mention that his belt is off-center, then do a sensual hands-on readjustment, with a promise for more personal "styling" later tonight.
Read my hips
When you have 15 minutes:
* Give him a reverse striptease one morning before work: Put on a sizzling CD and, making sure he has a clear view, get dressed slooowly, swaying your hips to the beat. Bend over while you pull up your skirt, and arch your back while you hook your bra. He'll be thinking about peeling those clothes back off of you all day long.
* Greet him with a big fluffy towel when he's stepping out of the shower, and give him a long, loving rubdown from head to toe.
* When getting undressed in the evening, take off everything — yes, everything — but your high heels (and if you don't usually wear heels, put some on!). Casually walk around the bedroom as if you just haven't bothered to kick them off yet.
* Draw him a map: Leave a line of Hershey's Kisses in the hall leading into the bedroom, ending in an arrow pointing toward the bed.
* Trim your bikini line just a little bit more than usual. He'll notice.
When you have an entire hour:
* Set the alarm an hour earlier than usual, but don't tell him. When he groans about it going off at the wrong time, just smile and whisper back, "No, it didn't."
* Leaf through a sex book (you can't go wrong with a classic like The Joy of Sex) and mark the things you're dying to try. Then leave the book on his nightstand (wrap it in brown paper if you're worried about the kids discovering it).
* Send him off with a grocery list: chocolate sauce, honey, powdered sugar, whipped cream. Then dial his cell once he's at the store and spell out exactly what you plan on doing with it.
Simply adjusting the way you move your body is a fast and sexy way to signal your desire. Here are eight moves that'll make him weak in the knees.
1. Touch his knee or let your thighs touch when sitting together.
2. Caress his face.
3. Ask him to zip up your dress, then stand extraclose while he does it.
4. "Accidentally" brush your breasts against his arm as you squeeze by him. This is especially effective in public — he'll be ripping your clothes off in the car on the way home.
5. Sit on his lap — at a party, while having a picnic, in your living room while he's lounging in an armchair — and align your private parts with his. Want to make him groan? Every now and then shift your weight just a bit.
6. Slip on a must-dance CD and gyrate by yourself for a minute or two, then gesture for him to join you.
7. The next time the mercury is high, raise his temperature by running an ice cube down your neck, over your collarbone, and between your breasts.
8. Kiss him — but not just any old peck. Straddle his lap and brush your lips all over his body.
Create a code
If saying it — or showing it — still feels like too much of a leap for you to make comfortably, try creating your own private ritual to signal that tonight's the night.
Three silent seduction ideas:
* Place a specially designated pillow on the bed.
* Keep two identical objects (vases, china dogs, candlesticks) on opposite ends of a shelf or mantelpiece. Move them together to signal you want to cozy up tonight.
* Get a foreign coin or a special charm. Slip it into his pocket in the morning when you want to get frisky that night.
No Translation Necessary
When you want him to know you want him now, try one of these five very direct come-ons:
* "If you could picture what's going through my mind right now, you'd be totally — and I mean totally — turned on."
* "You know what I was thinking about today? That time we [insert a particularly X-rated moment from your sex history]."
* "The kids are napping/ next door for the next hour, and I do not have a headache."
* "Want to join me in the shower?"
* "Let's [bleep]."
Lust Lessons
Surprise: We can actually teach each other a few things.
4 things women can learn from men:
* If sex is being offered, take it — you never know when your next chance may come.
* Pictures of sexy naked people are fun to look at.
* Stay in the moment: A hot makeout session is not the time to think about tomorrow's to-do list.
* If you want sex, don't rely on subtle hints to get the message across — be clear and up-front about your desires.
4 things men can learn from women:
* Candlelight and soft music really do work.
* Whether it's a kiss, a caress, or a long lovemaking session, slower is usually better.
* It's okay to just cuddle (in fact, sometimes it's even more intimate than sex).
* It's also okay to not have an orgasm every time, as long as the rest is all good.
"Not Now Honey" Reinvented
Just as important as knowing how to make a move is knowing the right way to turn him down when he makes a move and you're not in the mood. That's because anyone who gets rejected sexually will tend to think that not only are they not desired now, they have also never been, nor will they ever be, desired. Crazy? Definitely. But we're talking about sex and egos — not exactly the ingredients for a logical conclusion. So here are six ways to say, "Not tonight, honey," that will make him feel loved, if not completely satisfied:
1. Don't just say a flat-out no. Instead of pushing him away, show some physical affection with kisses or a hug so he knows you're not rejecting him, you're just not in the mood to make love.
2. Give him a steamy rain check, in writing, itemizing exactly what you are going to do to him — and honor it.
3. Make a date for a specific time the following week, telling him that the anticipation will make the moment even more explosive.
4. Rent a movie that you know turns him on (yes, even if it is College Coeds on Spring Break) and encourage him to "enjoy" himself watching it.
5. Get him to use up sex-cess energy by writing down his top 10 favorite sex acts, and promise to fulfill one once a week.
6. Give him a fantastic massage...and who knows, maybe your no might turn into a yes after all.
Fun and Flirty Tips
Don't wait for the "right" moment to get intimate — enough sleep, enough time, enough prep. Enough is enough! Get busy with these fun and flirty tips from Redbook's new book, Love Your Sex Life! The Busy Girl's Guide to Getting Busy. Buy it today!
Putting the moves on your man is one of the best things you can do for your sex life. Why? Well, for starters, making the first move makes you feel powerful, in tune with your own erotic energy, and in charge of your desires. That's pretty sexy stuff. And it makes him feel great, too: Believe it or not, no matter how long you've been together, your guy's ego is on the line every time he asks you to make love. He needs to know you want him just as much as he wants you. By initiating sex, you're showing your enthusiasm for him and for your partnership. Everybody wins!
It may not be your style to blatantly say, "Let's make love tonight." Perhaps you're more of a nudge-and-a-wink kind of girl. Which is fine, as long as he understands your subtle moves. You may think that your over the-shoulder smile as you head toward the bedroom speaks volumes, while he may think it means you're thrilled to be getting to bed so early. Try these silent but unmistakable love zingers to signal that you want him...tonight...right now. He'll get the message.
No Time for Sex?
Try one of these 15 superhot moves, made to fit any schedule!
When you have 60 seconds:
* Plan a sex day. Slip him a note in the morning that says, "I'll meet you in our bedroom in 12 hours. Be there and be naked."
* Sneak a sexy picture in with his mail, in an envelope marked "For Your Eyes Only."
* Try the direct route: Take his hand, place it on your thigh — and then slide it higher, and higher...
When you have 5 minutes:
* Kiss him awake. Then keep on kissing.
* Using an eyeliner pencil, scribble "Kiss me" or "Stroke me" on your stomach, breast, or any other body part, adding arrows to tell him where to go (and what to do) next. He'll love discovering the secret message when you get undressed — and you'll love getting exactly what you want, where you want it.
* Tell him you need to borrow his car keys, then treat yourself to a grope in his front pocket as you fish around for them.
* When he's getting dressed, mention that his belt is off-center, then do a sensual hands-on readjustment, with a promise for more personal "styling" later tonight.
Read my hips
When you have 15 minutes:
* Give him a reverse striptease one morning before work: Put on a sizzling CD and, making sure he has a clear view, get dressed slooowly, swaying your hips to the beat. Bend over while you pull up your skirt, and arch your back while you hook your bra. He'll be thinking about peeling those clothes back off of you all day long.
* Greet him with a big fluffy towel when he's stepping out of the shower, and give him a long, loving rubdown from head to toe.
* When getting undressed in the evening, take off everything — yes, everything — but your high heels (and if you don't usually wear heels, put some on!). Casually walk around the bedroom as if you just haven't bothered to kick them off yet.
* Draw him a map: Leave a line of Hershey's Kisses in the hall leading into the bedroom, ending in an arrow pointing toward the bed.
* Trim your bikini line just a little bit more than usual. He'll notice.
When you have an entire hour:
* Set the alarm an hour earlier than usual, but don't tell him. When he groans about it going off at the wrong time, just smile and whisper back, "No, it didn't."
* Leaf through a sex book (you can't go wrong with a classic like The Joy of Sex) and mark the things you're dying to try. Then leave the book on his nightstand (wrap it in brown paper if you're worried about the kids discovering it).
* Send him off with a grocery list: chocolate sauce, honey, powdered sugar, whipped cream. Then dial his cell once he's at the store and spell out exactly what you plan on doing with it.
Simply adjusting the way you move your body is a fast and sexy way to signal your desire. Here are eight moves that'll make him weak in the knees.
1. Touch his knee or let your thighs touch when sitting together.
2. Caress his face.
3. Ask him to zip up your dress, then stand extraclose while he does it.
4. "Accidentally" brush your breasts against his arm as you squeeze by him. This is especially effective in public — he'll be ripping your clothes off in the car on the way home.
5. Sit on his lap — at a party, while having a picnic, in your living room while he's lounging in an armchair — and align your private parts with his. Want to make him groan? Every now and then shift your weight just a bit.
6. Slip on a must-dance CD and gyrate by yourself for a minute or two, then gesture for him to join you.
7. The next time the mercury is high, raise his temperature by running an ice cube down your neck, over your collarbone, and between your breasts.
8. Kiss him — but not just any old peck. Straddle his lap and brush your lips all over his body.
Create a code
If saying it — or showing it — still feels like too much of a leap for you to make comfortably, try creating your own private ritual to signal that tonight's the night.
Three silent seduction ideas:
* Place a specially designated pillow on the bed.
* Keep two identical objects (vases, china dogs, candlesticks) on opposite ends of a shelf or mantelpiece. Move them together to signal you want to cozy up tonight.
* Get a foreign coin or a special charm. Slip it into his pocket in the morning when you want to get frisky that night.
No Translation Necessary
When you want him to know you want him now, try one of these five very direct come-ons:
* "If you could picture what's going through my mind right now, you'd be totally — and I mean totally — turned on."
* "You know what I was thinking about today? That time we [insert a particularly X-rated moment from your sex history]."
* "The kids are napping/ next door for the next hour, and I do not have a headache."
* "Want to join me in the shower?"
* "Let's [bleep]."
Lust Lessons
Surprise: We can actually teach each other a few things.
4 things women can learn from men:
* If sex is being offered, take it — you never know when your next chance may come.
* Pictures of sexy naked people are fun to look at.
* Stay in the moment: A hot makeout session is not the time to think about tomorrow's to-do list.
* If you want sex, don't rely on subtle hints to get the message across — be clear and up-front about your desires.
4 things men can learn from women:
* Candlelight and soft music really do work.
* Whether it's a kiss, a caress, or a long lovemaking session, slower is usually better.
* It's okay to just cuddle (in fact, sometimes it's even more intimate than sex).
* It's also okay to not have an orgasm every time, as long as the rest is all good.
"Not Now Honey" Reinvented
Just as important as knowing how to make a move is knowing the right way to turn him down when he makes a move and you're not in the mood. That's because anyone who gets rejected sexually will tend to think that not only are they not desired now, they have also never been, nor will they ever be, desired. Crazy? Definitely. But we're talking about sex and egos — not exactly the ingredients for a logical conclusion. So here are six ways to say, "Not tonight, honey," that will make him feel loved, if not completely satisfied:
1. Don't just say a flat-out no. Instead of pushing him away, show some physical affection with kisses or a hug so he knows you're not rejecting him, you're just not in the mood to make love.
2. Give him a steamy rain check, in writing, itemizing exactly what you are going to do to him — and honor it.
3. Make a date for a specific time the following week, telling him that the anticipation will make the moment even more explosive.
4. Rent a movie that you know turns him on (yes, even if it is College Coeds on Spring Break) and encourage him to "enjoy" himself watching it.
5. Get him to use up sex-cess energy by writing down his top 10 favorite sex acts, and promise to fulfill one once a week.
6. Give him a fantastic massage...and who knows, maybe your no might turn into a yes after all.
Fun and Flirty Tips
Don't wait for the "right" moment to get intimate — enough sleep, enough time, enough prep. Enough is enough! Get busy with these fun and flirty tips from Redbook's new book, Love Your Sex Life! The Busy Girl's Guide to Getting Busy. Buy it today!
If He Stops Wanting Sex, Something Is Wrong
Everyone has off nights, but not every night. We help you get to the bottom of his lost libido.
Early on in a relationship, you and your guy spend so much time in bed, there’s little point in even making it. Then as the months and years go by, the sex tends to fall off some — a perfectly normal side effect of the decreased hormones that are often the result of increased closeness. But that doesn’t mean it should nosedive until you have hardly any sex...ever. Some women chalk up a significant decline in bedroom action to their long-term status, but that’s a big mistake. “Most men in their 20s and 30s have strong libidos,” says Debbie Magids, PhD, coauthor of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. “So if there is a lack of sex drive, it’s a clear symptom that something is going on either in his life or in your relationship.”
We’ve compiled the five most common sex-drive busters and arranged them in order from the manageable to the totally dire. Start with the first, and eliminate them one by one until you figure out what’s going on. Then follow the advice for how to deal.
He’s Stressed Out
“Feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stressed will lower a man’s sex drive,” explains Jay Carter, PsyD, author of Nasty Men. So if he has taken on extra work at his job or has family drama swirling around him, his brain may be too fried to even think about nooky.
What to do: Don’t reveal that you’ve noticed his stress level negatively affecting your sex life; if he has to think about your being unsatisfied on top of everything else, he’ll just get more anxious. “Be understanding, give him a neck rub, or play some calming music when he gets home,” suggests certified sex therapist Joy Davidson, PhD. Feeling more relaxed will allow him to think about getting it on again.
He's Pissed Off at You
Contrary to popular belief, guys don’t always rant and rave when they’re angry. Sometimes they retaliate by quietly pulling away — which can mean withholding sex. “Anger is corrosive to intimacy,” Davidson points out.
What to do: Obviously, if you had a blowout before the deep freeze set in, you’ll know what’s going on. But sometimes you anger your man without even knowing it. For instance, did you let some dude buy you a drink at a bar — because, hey, free drink! — while your guy was off talking to other friends? When you make him feel bad in little ways, you need to repair the damage by stroking his ego. Flirt with him, compliment him, let him know that you need him in your life. There are few things that turn a guy on — or thaw his grumpy mood — as much as knowing that he’s desired.
He’s Freaked Out About Commitment
Maybe you’ve been talking about moving in together or just discussing the future. Addressing issues like those can make even the most devoted boyfriend feel trepidation. “Men bond with you through sex,” Davidson explains. “So when your relationship is going through a decision-making period, he may withdraw sexually to give himself time to think things over.”
What to do: Postpone any commitment- heavy talks — pressing him on it will only make him freak out more. For good measure, make sure he’s within earshot the next time you casually mention to someone on the phone that you’re in no rush to get hitched. His mental alarms will stop going off long enough for him to realize that you’re the same cool chick he started dating in the first place, so it’s high time to get close again.
He’s Worried About His Sack Skills
If your guy has had some trouble keeping his soldier standing at attention after a few too many cocktails or if he’s aware that you haven’t reached the big O during your last several sessions, his self-esteem could be suffering big time. “Sex is what makes a guy feel manly, so if he’s having difficulty keeping it up or thinks you aren’t enjoying yourself, he will feel emasculated and may stop even trying for fear of more failure,” Magids says.
What to do: You’ll know he’s having performance anxiety if he’s acting normal everywhere but in the bedroom. “Don’t tell him you’ve noticed he’s not the same in bed,” says Denver relationship therapist Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of What Smart Couples Know. Instead, casually mention something he does to you sexually that you’ve been craving. Being reassured that he satisfies you will boost both his ego and his libido.
He Wants to Break Up
Harsh but true. Still, if a guy wants out, his behavior won’t switch overnight — he’ll begin by retreating emotionally before shutting down physically.
What to do: If you’ve eliminated the other possibilities, you need to call him out. “Most men don’t want to look like the bad guy, so if they plan on dumping you, they send signals — like denying sex — to force you to bring it up,” Magids says. Tell him you’ve noticed things have changed, and ask why he thinks that is. Before you raise the issue though, prepare for a possible breakup. Make plans with a pal for the day after you’re going to chat with your guy. No matter the outcome, it’ll be good to have someone to talk to.
3 Bogus Excuses: These seemingly plausible explanations are sometimes just BS.
1. "I have a big day at work tomorrow and need to rest." Climaxing actually clears his head and can help him sleep — meaning it allows him not to think about sex as much so he can focus on his work.
2. "Let’s wait till this weekend when we have more time." Few guys ration sex activity, and even fewer would turn down a quickie. So if he feigns concern for your sake, he might be being dishonest.
3. "Sorry, honey — my head is killing me." An upset stomach? Yes. But unless your guy suffers from debilitating migraines, it’s probably what it sounds like: a clichéd opt out.
Early on in a relationship, you and your guy spend so much time in bed, there’s little point in even making it. Then as the months and years go by, the sex tends to fall off some — a perfectly normal side effect of the decreased hormones that are often the result of increased closeness. But that doesn’t mean it should nosedive until you have hardly any sex...ever. Some women chalk up a significant decline in bedroom action to their long-term status, but that’s a big mistake. “Most men in their 20s and 30s have strong libidos,” says Debbie Magids, PhD, coauthor of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. “So if there is a lack of sex drive, it’s a clear symptom that something is going on either in his life or in your relationship.”
We’ve compiled the five most common sex-drive busters and arranged them in order from the manageable to the totally dire. Start with the first, and eliminate them one by one until you figure out what’s going on. Then follow the advice for how to deal.
He’s Stressed Out
“Feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stressed will lower a man’s sex drive,” explains Jay Carter, PsyD, author of Nasty Men. So if he has taken on extra work at his job or has family drama swirling around him, his brain may be too fried to even think about nooky.
What to do: Don’t reveal that you’ve noticed his stress level negatively affecting your sex life; if he has to think about your being unsatisfied on top of everything else, he’ll just get more anxious. “Be understanding, give him a neck rub, or play some calming music when he gets home,” suggests certified sex therapist Joy Davidson, PhD. Feeling more relaxed will allow him to think about getting it on again.
He's Pissed Off at You
Contrary to popular belief, guys don’t always rant and rave when they’re angry. Sometimes they retaliate by quietly pulling away — which can mean withholding sex. “Anger is corrosive to intimacy,” Davidson points out.
What to do: Obviously, if you had a blowout before the deep freeze set in, you’ll know what’s going on. But sometimes you anger your man without even knowing it. For instance, did you let some dude buy you a drink at a bar — because, hey, free drink! — while your guy was off talking to other friends? When you make him feel bad in little ways, you need to repair the damage by stroking his ego. Flirt with him, compliment him, let him know that you need him in your life. There are few things that turn a guy on — or thaw his grumpy mood — as much as knowing that he’s desired.
He’s Freaked Out About Commitment
Maybe you’ve been talking about moving in together or just discussing the future. Addressing issues like those can make even the most devoted boyfriend feel trepidation. “Men bond with you through sex,” Davidson explains. “So when your relationship is going through a decision-making period, he may withdraw sexually to give himself time to think things over.”
What to do: Postpone any commitment- heavy talks — pressing him on it will only make him freak out more. For good measure, make sure he’s within earshot the next time you casually mention to someone on the phone that you’re in no rush to get hitched. His mental alarms will stop going off long enough for him to realize that you’re the same cool chick he started dating in the first place, so it’s high time to get close again.
He’s Worried About His Sack Skills
If your guy has had some trouble keeping his soldier standing at attention after a few too many cocktails or if he’s aware that you haven’t reached the big O during your last several sessions, his self-esteem could be suffering big time. “Sex is what makes a guy feel manly, so if he’s having difficulty keeping it up or thinks you aren’t enjoying yourself, he will feel emasculated and may stop even trying for fear of more failure,” Magids says.
What to do: You’ll know he’s having performance anxiety if he’s acting normal everywhere but in the bedroom. “Don’t tell him you’ve noticed he’s not the same in bed,” says Denver relationship therapist Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of What Smart Couples Know. Instead, casually mention something he does to you sexually that you’ve been craving. Being reassured that he satisfies you will boost both his ego and his libido.
He Wants to Break Up
Harsh but true. Still, if a guy wants out, his behavior won’t switch overnight — he’ll begin by retreating emotionally before shutting down physically.
What to do: If you’ve eliminated the other possibilities, you need to call him out. “Most men don’t want to look like the bad guy, so if they plan on dumping you, they send signals — like denying sex — to force you to bring it up,” Magids says. Tell him you’ve noticed things have changed, and ask why he thinks that is. Before you raise the issue though, prepare for a possible breakup. Make plans with a pal for the day after you’re going to chat with your guy. No matter the outcome, it’ll be good to have someone to talk to.
3 Bogus Excuses: These seemingly plausible explanations are sometimes just BS.
1. "I have a big day at work tomorrow and need to rest." Climaxing actually clears his head and can help him sleep — meaning it allows him not to think about sex as much so he can focus on his work.
2. "Let’s wait till this weekend when we have more time." Few guys ration sex activity, and even fewer would turn down a quickie. So if he feigns concern for your sake, he might be being dishonest.
3. "Sorry, honey — my head is killing me." An upset stomach? Yes. But unless your guy suffers from debilitating migraines, it’s probably what it sounds like: a clichéd opt out.
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