Not So Happily Ever After

How fairy tales can be psychologically damaging for young women

I don’t think there’s anyone out there that has never read, heard, or seen a fairytale. In fact, the majority of people grow up on them. It seems as though little girls are constantly talking about fairytales, pretending to be princesses in their games, and the like. Of course, it seems harmless.

What’s wrong with a little girl wanting to be a princess, wanting to meet her prince and live happily ever after? Most of us would say nothing, in fact, that has long been a dream in my life, even now that I’m older. I still enjoy sitting down to read a "and they all lived happily ever after," fairytale every once in a while, and Disney movies are the best kind of movies in the world, in my opinion. Even at my age, I dream about my prince charming coming to sweep me off of my feet.

Despite the seeming frivolity of such things, many people don’t realize the damaging effects that fairytales can have on the psyche of a person, women specifically. Fairytales praise the beautiful and condemn the ugly. In Snow White, the heroine is the beautiful young girl, while the evil queen is portrayed as an old hag. In Cinderella, the beautiful girl is oppressed by her stepmother and her ugly stepsisters. Notice a pattern?

It seems, however, as though most people don’t. Nobody realizes the ideals that these stories are placing in children’s minds. It is why so many people grow up to shy away from anything that isn’t beautiful, because they are taught at a young age that ugly is not how people should be. Ugly equals evil, beautiful equals good. These ideas are brought into the minds of children at their most impressionable time, and it’s affecting the way society views women.

It’s hard for society to take the struggle for equal rights that women have worked for seriously when the things we’ve grown up knowing just show the exact opposite. In fairytales, girls are valued for their looks and their singing voice, and not for what is inside. Nothing is on the girls’ minds in fairytales other than what prince is going to come sweep them off of their feet. And they always need to be rescued. This sends the wrong message to people and portrays women as weak, something we have been working to overcome for a long time.

Not to mention another negative aspect of fairytales: Ever heard of Beauty and the Beast? How about Cinderella? These stories are prime examples of abusive relationships. In Beauty and the Beast, a girl is taken prisoner by a horrible beast, who is cruel to her for a long time before he finally comes around and becomes a nice person. Cinderella lives with her stepmother, who, while not physically abusive, is verbally abusive and forces Cinderella to work for her. And what do these girls do about their situation?

Nothing.

All they do is sit around and wait, hoping that someone will save them or that it will get better on its own someday. This is sending the wrong message to young impressionable children, telling them that if they’re in an abusive relationship, all they need to do is wait it out, because it will eventually get better.

A study was done by Susan Darker-Smith, a psychotherapist and master’s student, who interviewed 67 abuse survivors and found that 61 of them stayed with their partners because they thought they could affect their behavior with love.

"Ms. Darker-Smith looked further into the differences between the groups and found the abused women were much more likely to identify with Cinderella and other submissive female characters in fairytales, who were later rescued by a strong prince or hero,” says UK News writer John Carvel.

There is one question we need to ask ourselves. Do we forget the negative effect that these tales have on our lives, and continue the tradition we have been following for years? Or do we cut these stories out of our lives in order to establish the need for stronger females in society?