Dating Dilemma: When Should You Call?

Dating perspectives from both sexes

You've just returned home from a first date. Maybe you hugged goodbye. Maybe you kissed. Maybe you shook hands. Maybe your date made you breakfast. No matter what happened, you're now confronting the eminent dating question: When should you call or expect a call? Authors Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey take sides on when to reach for the phone after the first date.
SHE SAYS:
Better to find out sooner rather than later if you can be yourself with the guy.
When to call -- or to call at all -- after a date depends on whether or not you'd like a second date with him. If the date was a bust and you're not interested in booking another one, there's no need to call. Hopefully, you were polite enough to thank him for the date once it ended.
On the other hand, if you're interested in a second date, then the anxiety over when to call or expect a call can quickly squelch any excitement you had over a great first date. That's not what you want. What you want is to know what he thinks.
“So save yourself some stress and forget adhering to any kind of dating rule that someone else made up.”
So save yourself some stress and forget adhering to any kind of dating rule that someone else made up. If a guy took you out and you had a wonderful time, call him the next day and simply say, "Thank you -- I had a nice time last night." It's polite, simple, and opens the door for a future conversation -- or a return call if you get voicemail. If you like the guy and think there was a spark, trust me, he's probably wondering when or if he should call you -- and a call from you will make his day. If he is "just not that into you," he'll either seem distant on the phone or send your call straight to voicemail and never call you back. But, hey, at least you'll know what he thinks immediately and spare yourself days of wondering if he is desperately trying to reach you but some tragedy has caused him to lose your number.
HE SAYS:
For once, I almost agree with Christine (although I waited three days to call her back about this column, so I guess I'm the game-player type). How soon you call back completely depends on whether or not you want to go out with her again. Once you figure out your level of interest -- writing her first name followed by your last name or being thankful she doesn't know your last name -- then you can decide how to proceed.
To help you with this renowned dating call-back conundrum, I've grouped your dating interest into three levels along with advice on the first date follow-up.
Dating Interest Level 1: I would never go out with her again even if the human race depended on us.
When your date only talks about how great she is or how her last significant other compares to you, one dinner is plenty. You can be civil and make a courtesy "thank you" call three days later or simply don't call her back. Ever. If she was a complete jerk, it might be smarter not to talk to her again. It's likely she won't call anyway. But if she does, let your phone ring until she gets the hint. If you call after three days and she wants to go out again, say "thanks" but you "just want to be friends." That's universal code for "not interested, so stop calling."
Dating Interest Level 2: Going out with her again is better than playing Nintendo Wii alone.
Let's say you had an okay time. Maybe she made you laugh or smile. There's potential but you need more convincing. In this scenario, call her the next day and thank her for a good time. When you're talking, see if she seems happy you called or if she answered out of courtesy. One thing is certain: I don't recommend waiting four or more days to call. She will think you date based on the pickup-artist book "The Game."
Dating Interest Level 3: I'm ready to propose.
First, don't propose. That will scare her away, just like the last one -- and probably the one before that. Instead, take a deep breath and rehearse what you're going to say that makes you sound interested but not ready for naming your children together.
“Call in the late afternoon the day after the first date and keep the conversation light.”
Call in the late afternoon the day after the first date and keep the conversation light. Let her know you had fun time and would like to go out again. If she agrees, set another date, but don't call again -- except to confirm. Whatever you do, don't call them the same night of your first date and ask them what they are doing. That won't win you another date, but it might put you on the path to a restraining order.