Dear Mona Lisa,
I think I'm really in trouble this time. I'm gay and I just found out that one of my classmates is gay. So, I made up a fake Facebook and fake AIM to find out if he's really gay. And, yes, he is gay.
So, I used my fake AIM screen name to chat with him. We both enjoyed it. He even said that he was in love with me. I love him too, but when I told him that I'm one of his classmates, he got mad at me. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. Do you have any good advice for me so that there will be one more loving couple in this world?
Simon
Dear Simon,
Trust is the air of a solid relationship. One cannot survive without it. Trust is this invisible force that cannot be seen, but will always be there. You violated his trust and your relationship by pretending to be someone else. Your fear of rejection suffocated what could have been a great match.
I know you thought that if he got to know you in hiding, once revealed, he couldn't deny loving you. This smoke screen never works because it is based on lies and deception.
We all make mistakes, but this is one that you might not be able to correct. Trust has to be earned back whenever it is broken. And it is has to be earned on the terms of the one that was violated. The best thing you can do now is reach out and ask for his forgiveness and then, over time, try and earn his trust back–if he is willing to accept it. You may have already lost him.
Life is not a superhero movie where the heroine falls for the masked crusader only to be enchanted by his real persona once it's revealed. Trust is about being open, honest, forward and brave in the beginning–not the end.
Yours out in the open,
Mona
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